Life, Love, and Everything else!

10 Months

2011-12-05T07:37:00.000-06:00

My last blog post was 10 months ago. Time has been going by so fast. I wish I could tell you what a strong person I have been and how easy it is to balance home and school, but I can't. I have been having quite a hard time, actually. Some of my classes have not been what I was expecting. I am retaking chemistry to get a better grade. I should have known better than to take the online course with no lecture. I'm working at the college as well. I'm the student activities board director. I enjoy my job. I have gotten to meet many amazing people that I am lucky to have in my life.

Home life has been... hard. Danny is going through such a rough time. It hurts me deeply to see him this way. He was always my perfect, happy boy until a few months after we started school. Now he just cries and lashes out in violence most of the time. It makes me feel like a bad mother. I can't help but feel like this is my fault because I'm not home with him anymore. I try so hard to change his temper. I cuddle him and love him, but he doesn't want it when he is angry. Mike does his best to help me. He stays in Danny's room at night when he won't sleep. He tries very hard to give me breaks, but usually Danny won't let him. He just throws fits until I come get him. I appreciate Mike's help more than he could ever know, but it's still very hard. I'm just hoping this phase passes soon so I can get my precious little angel back.

Phillip has been doing pretty well. He is making friends at daycare and getting over many of his social quirks. He is smarter then ever. He loves geography and math. He says he wants to be a mathematician when he grows up. He loves playing video games, especially if it's a Mario game. He still has his moments, but for the most part he is an amazing little boy who I love to pieces.

Mike and I had our sixth anniversary a week ago. It was lovely. That man spoils me beyond belief, and I love him more than anything in this world. He is my soul mate.

It's a Process

2011-02-07T00:32:00.000-06:00

I've been in school for almost a month now. Mike, the kids, and I are adjusting to the change. It has been pretty hard on my diet, but I'll get back on track! :) So far I've written three papers. Two of them have yet to be graded, but I got a 10/10 on my first English paper. I took my first psychology exam and scored 77/80; my first medical terminology quiz, I got 30/30; my first algebra exam is this tuesday. I feel confident that I will do well on it. My music and political science exams are still a few weeks away, so I guess we'll see how they go. Mike is doing really well, too. He has gotten only perfect marks so far, hooray!

The kiddos are starting to get used to their new schedule. They're a little grumpy on Monday mornings after their three-day weekends, but not too bad. Danny is talking sooo much! I know it's only normal, but it's just such a relief after all the problems we had with Phillip. Danny knows his alphabet and maybe 1/3 of the letter sounds. He counts to nine. He like's to ask me "what's that?" Oh, and he knows circle, square, and star. He doesn't actually say "star" though, he sees one and starts singing "twinkle, twinkle." It's adorable. His favorite toys right now are cars and blocks. He especially loves the track his Oma got him for Christmas. Phillip is trying really hard to adjust socially. He has a lot of quirks that we are working with him on. It can be hard on him learning to interact with the other kids sometimes. I've always been so stingy with my children, so they're a little behind socially.

What else?

2011-01-18T22:43:00.000-06:00

SCHOOL! It's all I have to talk about right now. It has consumed me and until I get into a better routine, my life is going to remain pure chaos. Luckily for me, Mike has really stepped up his game at home. He has been cooking, cleaning, watching the kids while I nap. It has been great having him home with me all the time. But even with us both here, last week was a little stressful and chaotic. I'm sure it will get easier as we go along and learn to manage our time... something I haven't had to do in a very long time.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before but my schedule is quite hefty. Thank goodness for my army benefits, but they still don't make getting my education all that easy. I have 36 months to complete my degree without having to pay for it. That means I need to max out my credits every single semester. Right now I'm taking six classes: Algebra, Music, Political Science, English, Psychology, and Medical Terminology. Yeah, I'm crazy. Next semester will likely be another six classes, and so on and so forth. I definitely have my work cut out for me. Oh, and not passing a class is not even an option. Hooray!

Aside from school, we're all doing fine. The kids are adjusting to our new lifestyle, and slowly but surely, Mike and I are as well. Danny got a cold a couple of days ago, so he is grumpy, but still okay. That's really it. Hopefully I have something more interesting to talk about soon.

Day One

2011-01-10T18:49:00.000-06:00

Hello, my sweet devoted followers. Today was bittersweet for me. I enjoyed my classes and the two professors I met seemed very genuine and fun. My Monday classes are simple and easy. I have Political Science and English. I'd be surprised if I spent more than minimal time studying for them. My Tuesday classes are the ones I'm nervous about. I have Algebra, Music, and Psychology. That's where I assume the bulk of my studying and stress will come form.

Aside from being in class today, which was fun, I have been feeling kind of crappy for the past week or so. My stomach has been twisted up in knots and I just feel dizzy and nauseated all day. I first assumed it was food poisoning from my sprouts. Then I reckoned on nerves. But to be honest I really don't know why I'm feeling so icky. I just hope it goes away soon.

The kids seem to be doing a good job adjusting to their daycare. Danny is taking a little longer, but he'll get there eventually. That's it for today. I will try to write a more lengthy update soon.

What happens when I'm awake late at night?

2011-01-09T02:22:00.000-06:00

I blog! Yes, that's me. I'm the woman with nothing better to do at night than sit on my computer and talk about myself. Sometimes I look back at what I've written and think, "Wow, I must have been REALLY tired!" Other times I'm thankful for the sleepy, stupor-induced honesty. I have no idea who actually reads my blog. I think most people who do, find my subject matter awkward and would rather not comment or bring it up. I talk about a lot of personal feelings; a lot of taboo subjects; a lot of nothing. I still don't know if I'm writing for me or for you. Every once in a while, I go back and take a look at something from a year ago to see where I was in my life and how I was feeling. Most of the time I can't even remember writing it. It's like I'm reading someone else's journal. If you ever want a chronological list of all your mistakes and shortcomings, this is the way to go!

Have I ever mentioned my super-sized cat on here? We own a cat who is basically Garfield, just a different color. She is huge, lazy, self-centered, and she loves lasagna. (She actually loves to eat anything.) Her name is Cally, and she wasn't always such a lard butt. In the winter of 07-08, our first cat, "Kitty," ran away. She was the meanest thing you've ever seen in your life, but we loved her and it was heartbreaking. We looked everywhere for her. On a few occasions, we checked the local shelter to see if she turned up, but she never did. That's where we met Cally. I started thinking about getting another cat, but I wasn't really committed to the idea. I would go to the shelter and check the cages for Kitty, but deep down I knew she was gone. I started to enjoy petting the other cats and playing with them. I held Cally a few times. She was bony and ugly, and I didn't really feel a connection with her. One day I went to the shelter and there was a paper on her cage. It was a description of her, with a note that said, "5 days left." I realized that this sweet kitty was about to be euthanized. I talked to the caretaker, who informed me that five different families had adopted her, but changed their minds and brought her back. How sad! I adopted her that very day. She was so shy and scared for the first few days. She didn't even make any sounds when she meowed. Her hair was thin. You could feel her bones when you held her. She is missing a few teeth, so she drooled everywhere. And thanks to the lovely shelter diet she had been living on, she had awful gas. But everyone agreed that she was the most loving cat on the earth. All she has ever wanted is to be held and loved. It doesn't matter who you are, you're her best friend. She has come a very long way from being the bony little kitty I adopted, but she is still a sweetheart and I love her.

She's wearing a size 24 month toddler shirt, yowzers.

Isn't she just huge?

Awe, cuddles.

Mike HATES when I dress her in the kids clothes, ha ha ha.

Here's the lasagna! See, I was telling the truth.

That's her smile.

She loves racing cars!

She's trying to figure out what this squishy, pink thing is that took her lap!

Yes, that's actually how she sleeps.

She's even good with babies who like to chew on her hair!

How do you feel?

2011-01-08T12:37:00.000-06:00

Do you ever have points in your life where you just aren't feeling good about yourself, you have no idea why, and it's driving you crazy??? That's where I am. I can't pinpoint exactly what's bugging me, but I know there's something that isn't quite right.

Tomorrow is Mike's last day of work. I'm so happy to finally have him around more. For the past four and a half years, his schedule has made life more stressful than it really should be. I'm grateful for this opportunity, and I couldn't ask for more. At the same time, I'm realizing that all this time away from each other over the past four point five years has brought other challenges along with it. We've adapted to spending so little time together that I'm convinced he will find me boring now. When we were dating, I could make him fun surprises, go on long weekend getaways, and be sexy and carefree. But these days I'm pretty much just a housewife and Mommy who cleans the house, cooks dinner and tries her best to make it through the day with an ounce of energy left. Pretty soon we'll be in college with tons of fascinating, peppy youngsters who are full of life and energy. I don't want my husband to look at them, then look at me, and wonder what happened. There really hasn't been a lot of time for being the sexy, spontaneous wife. I know I'm just overreacting, and things will be fine. But that's still a fear of mine and I needed to get it out.

Yesterday we went to our new freshmen orientation at ISU. It was fun. It reminded me of how excited I used to get in high school over the simplest things. I finally got a sense of what it's going to be like in a school environment again. I'm not necessarily nervous about starting school. I'm mostly nervous about the change going on in my life. I've been a stay at home Mommy for a long time now. Nobody really expects to have an intelligent conversation, or do anything that requires a thought process when you tell them you're a SAHM. They just assume you got married out of high school, did nothing with your life, and, "bless your heart," you just don't know what it's like to have a life. I don't mean to judge, but that's my experience. Nobody has ever asked me if I did anything before having kids. I want to scream at them sometimes.,"I am an intelligent woman, who at one time, had an amazing career and sexy thighs!!!" I was a soldier in the U.S. Army. And not just a soldier, but the "go-to" soldier in my company. I won awards and I was respected by pretty much everyone. I was a freakin' air traffic controller! But most people don't know that. They would if they asked, but I am a SAHM. And it isn't all bad that people don't ask. Sometimes it feels like a break. I haven't HAD to use to my brain. I got to play stupid for a while. And even though it frustrated me sometimes and felt like an insult, honestly it was just a break. I got a really long rest from being of any kind of "importance." Now that I'm back in college, people are going to expect me to have important things to say. They're going to assume I have an opinion about every issue that comes up. They're going to have conversations with me and expect me to be smart and witty. I don't get to play dumb anymore or pretend like I don't care, just to avoid confrontation. I have a responsibility now to set an example for all the other amazing women out there, just like me. The ones who gave up their career, respect, and place in society to perform their important role as a mother. I would challenge those of you who read this, to think twice about judging a mother by her "cover." It's a terrible stereotype.

All that said, I did enjoy my time at home with my children. They are amazing. They brighten my day and make me feel wanted and needed. When I sit in the glider in Danny's room, and stare down into his bright little eyes while we rock, my heart just melts. I fall in love with him over and over again. Just like the day he was born. I have been their motherly teacher for a long time. Each second has been a challenge, but one I've accepted gladly and humbly. To have such a responsibility as to mold their innocent lives makes me feel truly special. Heavenly Father must have really had a lot of faith in me to send them to me. He must know me much better than I know myself. I thank Him every day for allowing me to be their mother.

Students

2011-01-06T11:21:00.000-06:00

Today, Mike and I are getting our student ID cards, parking pass, and the rest of our books. Tomorrow is the new freshmen orientation at ISU. And Monday is our first day of school. I've been super nervous for the past month, worrying about every little detail and change. Then I woke up a couple of days ago and all the worry was gone. I feel a bit of peace about our situation, and I know that this is God's plan for me and my family. I AM still nervous about my nursing program, simply because I am a bit of a perfectionist and I worry about not getting the best grades, or messing something up and looking like a moron in front of everyone. I guess I'm just going to have to deal with those situations when they inevitably come.

Good luck with all your endeavors and goals this year. I think it's going to be a great one!

Happy New Year

2011-01-02T16:44:00.001-06:00

This year brings with it a lot of changes for me. I've been a stay at home Mommy for a while now. This will no longer be the case starting Jan 10th. The thought of somebody else caring for my children and seeing them do or say something for the first time truly breaks my heart. I will miss being with them all the time. But life brings all sorts of changes and challenges into our lives, and we have to push through them and try to learn from the experience. Being a SAHM has been a wonderful experience, and I will cherish it forever.

My new chapter in life will be great, too though. I have an opportunity to do something wonderful and kind for my husband. He has provided for our family through thick and thin. He has been so amazing to me and our children. The least I can do is make one small sacrifice to improve his quality of life. So I am leaving my comfort zone, and venturing out into the world. I'm going to college with him. It seems so strange that all my friends from high school are just now finishing their education and here I am starting mine. Well, sort of. I was in the army and I was an air traffic controller. So in a way, I guess I'm just furthering my education. Either way, I will probably be amongst the older generation of college students.

Another interesting change will be not having any babies in our house for a while. Mike and I feel like the best way to succeed in college is to put that part of our lives on hold. I've been surrounded by diapers, bottles, and baby barf for a while. While it's a little sad that I won't have a baby to rock in my arms and cuddle and coo with, it will be really great to have a break.

I've set a lot of goals for this year. Most of them will likely be forgotten within a few weeks, but the number one most important goal is to be a better, more supportive wife to my husband. I want him to know how much he means to me and how grateful I am for him, and for all of his sacrifices. I feel like if I can just accomplish this one goal, then all the others will fall into place.

Well, I hope everyone has a beautiful 2011. I love you guys and miss you so very much!

Two months plus

2010-12-27T17:57:00.000-06:00

That's how long it has been? Really? Well, I'm officially a crappy blogger. For those of you who know me well, I'm sure you pretty much expect not to hear from me during the holiday season. Sorry!!!

On to happy news. Mike only has seven days of work left. It seems so surreal. We have been praying for this day for a very long time now. On January 10th, we will officially be college students. I've heard a lot of criticism and gotten plenty of weird looks. People think we're nuts for quitting a good, steady job in an economy like this, and maybe we are. But we're also desperate for some normalcy. We're tired of the stress that comes with being in the Air Traffic business. We want to spend holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries together. We want to go on family vacations. We want the time, not the money. We have actually been preparing for this for a while. We paid off our car this past February, cut out all our nonessential expenses, and have been practicing better spending habits. It was a tough choice and definitely not one that was taken lightly. So we would ask our friends and family to bear with us during this transitional time and know that this is what the Lord has been preparing us for.

In other news, our boys are growing sooo fast! They're both so smart and I just love them to pieces. Phillip has been improving exponentially in both his behavior and studies. It's so easy to get caught up in the trials of the moment, but when I look back, he really has turned into an amazing little boy. He is so smart and spunky, and he makes me laugh until my cheeks hurt. His favorite thing in the world right now is Thomas the Tank Engine. That's another post entirely, though. Danny is the silliest little thing. He loves the alphabet like nothing you've ever seen. He knows all but a couple of letters, plus a few random shapes, colors and numbers. He chases Phillip all over our house and screams like a banshee. He is one of only a few true loves in my life.

Last week the kids went to their very first day of daycare. It was only a half day. We want them to go a couple of times before school starts so it isn't too much of a shock for them. Phillip loved it, but Danny was a little sad the whole time. I can't say I blame him. I've been coddling him for 18 months, I can't really expect him to take this very well. I'm hoping that him being in the nursery at church now will have some advantages, and get him used to being away from me.

Well, I know this was a bit of a lack luster update, but I'll be posting more soon. Stay safe this New Years!!!

Shirts

2010-10-14T11:36:00.000-05:00

I haven't had very good luck the past couple of days. Something snagged my favorite shirt in the washing machine and left about ten different holes all over it, and today I spilled cherry crystal light all over my favorite white shirt. I'm wondering if this is some sort of sign that I need to stop caring so much about my clothes.

Setting Goals

2010-10-10T14:56:00.000-05:00

I sure do feel refreshed today. I got lots of sleep last night. The kiddos are being good, a.k.a eating popcorn and watching Thomas and Friends. It feels like it's going to be a good day! So I think I'm going to take this little smidge of free time to set a few goals for myself.

Goal 1: Get the storage room completely cleaned and organized by Thanksgiving. It's a pretty tall order, but I really need to get it done.

Goal 2: Lose weight without pushing myself too hard. I have a tendency to get upset with myself when my weight loss isn't progressing, so I need to learn to just do my best and not worry so much.

Goal 3: Be a better housekeeper.

Goal 4: Make sure I always have special time at the end of every day to do something fun with Mike.

These may seem like silly goals, but I think they will make a huge difference for me. I will feel a lot better knowing I am working towards something important. I haven't decided if I'm going to reward myself with anything once I reach my goals. Maybe I can get a new dress or something after a few months.

Refusing to be Overwhelmed

2010-10-09T13:06:00.000-05:00

For some weird reason I've been letting myself get overwhelmed lately. It's not normally like me to take on more than I can handle. I even keep a "Simplify" sign in my dining room to remind me to keep things in life simple and easy. But lately I've just wanted to do a lot. I don't know who I've been trying to impress. I thought digging deeper into the craft world would open up more friendship opportunities, but so far it hasn't. It's really just been me spending a lot of time on crafts that few others care much about. So I'm thinking I'm going to cut my crafts in half to have more time just for me and the kiddos.

I started selling crayon rolls a while back. I just wanted to make a few extra bucks since I was starting a craft blog. I figured it would give me some of my own money to buy supplies and not have to spend all of Mike's money on my silly experiments. I didn't at all realize how popular the idea would become and I quickly got rushed with tons of orders. I made plenty of money but it was stressful trying to get everything done in time. So from now on I'm not taking any custom orders, just selling whatever I have on hand. Much more simple!

I need to get my mind straight and just spend more time with my boys. Phil hasn't been doing nearly enough math. I need to focus more on his home pre-schooling and less on making sure every cabinet in the kitchen is perfectly organized. Sometimes I let my OCD habits gets the better of me. No Jamie, you do not need to vacuum under the couches every day.

Danny is such a sweet and easy boy that I sometimes forget I need to be spending special time with him, too. He deserves a lot more attention than he has been getting. I make plenty of excuses but at the end of the day, I just need to simplify my life and get back to the basics of being a strong loving family.

I've probably been rambling on today about a lot of nonsense. Don't worry, that's just my brain switching back to simple mode.

My boys

2010-10-09T12:38:00.000-05:00

Here's a few fun pictures from the past week!

Glasses

2010-10-09T00:45:00.000-05:00

The other day Phil came running up to me in his Daddy's glasses. He kept saying how he could see everything clear. Being the overly paranoid Mommy I am, I immediately called Mike at work and told him to set up an appointment with the eye doctor. When Mike got home that night, we found an online "check you vision" chart from the DMV and tested Phil. No matter what we tried, Phil couldn't read the bottom line of the letters. He got so upset about it at one point that he just broke down in tears. It was heartbreaking. So, we set up an appointment with an eye doctor a couple of days ago and it turns out that Phil is a little farsighted. We ordered him some glasses and they will be here in two weeks. Mike said he did really good at his appointment.

Unconditional Love?

2010-10-08T11:09:00.000-05:00

As I was sitting in my living room today, I started thinking about love. I know that I love my family. I know that I love the Lord. I say that I love chocolate. But what is it really, and what does it mean to love unconditionally?

I've been known to say in the past that we should all love each other unconditionally and not judge. But after this week I can't help but wonder if by judging others, are we starting the process of learning to love them? It know that sounds crazy, and like the complete opposite of love. But in retrospect, some of the most important lessons I have learned have come from the mistakes and bad judgements I have made. As a teenager I always judged my parents for their mistakes. Now I can't help but look back fondly on the trials we went through as a family and the lessons they taught me, whether inadvertently or not. For example, my mother has always been terrible with finances. She is a shopaholic and will pay for anything with a check whether she has money or not. This caused a lot of problems in her marriage to my stepdad. At that time, I hated her for being so selfish and putting our family in such a terrible position. Now I can see that her spending is linked to emotional and mental distress, and perhaps I am grateful she chose that option over something else. She could have chosen to be an alcoholic or to beat her children. But instead she chose shopping. I'm very grateful for what she taught me, even though she doesn't know it. Through that experience I have learned a couple of things; 1.) To be honest with my husband and share our financial goals together. No secret spending, and 2.) There are ways to channel your distress. I judged her and now I love her for those same judgements. Connection?

I'm not perfect, that's for sure. There have been times when I didn't love my family unconditionally. I feel terrible for that, but it's necessary to be honest with yourself in order to move forward. When Phillip was a baby, I wasn't always fond of him. He cried all the time. He slept only a couple of hours a day. I was suffering from sleep paralysis due to this. In addition to Phil, Mike was working very odd hours. So it just happened that the few hours I could manage to get Phillip to sleep were also Mike's hours at home awake. I felt obligated to stay up and spend time with Mike even though this might be my only opportunity to sleep. It didn't take long for me to start resenting both of them for it. I was never mean to them. I never yelled or swore or did anything physically. But inside, all of my loving feelings toward my family were temporarily gone. When I looked at my baby I didn't want to smile or cuddle him. I just wanted him to disappear for a few hours so I could sleep. I lost 54 pounds in five months, was severely depressed. Then miraculously at ten months old, Phil started sleeping. I remember waking up at about seven in the morning and bolting to his room afraid that he was dead. But there he lay, asleep in his crib. My guilt started setting in for how I had been feeling. All the love I had secretly been neglecting my family of rushed back to me. I learned that I could very easily have communicated with my husband my needs, and made most of my problems go away. After talking to him, I realized that I had been judging him harshly. He wasn't the reason I wasn't sleeping, I was. I started communicating my needs with him and our marriage has grown rapidly and positively ever since. I no longer hide my feelings and take on every obligation by myself. Being a mother hasn't gotten a lot easier, but loving my family unconditionally has.

I hope I haven't rambled too much today. Just wanted to share some things I was feeling.

A Selfish Mommy

2010-10-06T14:07:00.000-05:00

I've decided to start making Phil have quiet time in his room during Danny's first nap. I feel like I'm being a little selfish, but Phil hasn't napped since he was 18 months old and I really need a break. Normally we do a craft together or some preschool during this time. I guess I will just squeeze that time in somewhere else. What am I going to do with this newly found free time you ask? Absolutely nothing. I'm going to relax, read my news stories on the computer, maybe even shower. Who knows?! My home is my playground!

Feeling good about life.

2010-10-05T16:31:00.000-05:00

I posted a couple of entries yesterday about a silly trial I was going through. I feel a million times better today. I'm not a writer so my posts don't always reflect exactly how I feel. I want to change that. I want my readers to know exactly how I'm feeling and not have to guess what I mean. Today I feel inspired, supported, loved, and accepted. The future is bright and full of opportunity. Some great friendship possibilities have come to pass from yesterday's glum. A blessing in disguise really.

Isn't it amazing how someone can be right in front of you, and it takes a miracle to notice them? It shouldn't surprise me because I have had this sort of thing happen before. Sometimes it's the people you least suspect that change your life in the biggest ways. Sometimes it's people you don't even know who change your life.

When I was in Mexico, I was helping carry food, clothing and other supplies to a nearby community. I was only thirteen at the time and a young women's group from Mesa, AR was staying with us for a project. I had never really looked forward to this sort of thing in the past. I had yet to learn how to truly love people just because they are God's children. I always just waited in the van before. I felt sorry for them, which is why I helped but I didn't care about them. I didn't think about them after we left or wonder where their food would be coming from the rest of the month. But this time, one of the girls from Mesa asked me to come and help her. I got out and walked around the van and there she was playing soccer with one of the children She said they needed a goalie. I didn't really want to, but I did it anyway and my life has never been the same since. Something changed in me that day. I saw children who have nothing more than a ragged shirt on their backs as the happiest little kids in the world. I saw parents struggling to provide a shelter for them. They built their "homes" out of whatever materials could be found while walking around the streets. Sometimes it was plastic wrap and cinderblocks. Sometimes cardboard. The lucky families had leftover building materials from abandoned construction along the beach. But I didn't pity them anymore. I respected them. These families had nothing, yet everything. They were happy, kind, and loving. Every time I came back after that, I always made a point to play with the children. To care for whatever needs they had. It was no longer an obligation. I wanted to be there even more than I wanted to be with my friends or family. Leaving Mexico permanently and heading back to Alabama was painful. I miss it to this day. I miss the place who made me the person I am today. I miss the people, the culture, the food. I miss it all.

Time to Reflect

2010-10-04T20:25:00.000-05:00

There are times in our lives when we are forced to reflect back upon our pasts. Some of us have very good ones, some of us have very bad ones. Some people have led somewhat boring lives while others have led very interesting and unique lives. I was accused today of being inconsistent in my stories and pretty much called a liar by people who don't know anything about me and the life I have led. I was very hurt and disappointed at first. I couldn't imagine why anyone would ever possibly think that about me. My bitterness is now gone. I think I realize that my past is just too amazing for some people to believe. I have accomplished so much in my short time on this earth. I've lost friends and family members and learned to grieve quickly. I've served in the military and won many different awards for being a great soldier. I've spent time as an air traffic controller and although ultimately decided it wasn't the career for me, it was still an amazing accomplishment. I've traveled all over and learned to embrace diversity. Although I have lost one baby, I've managed to mother two wonderful sons, who while they both have had their own issues, are amazing and everything to me. I've been one of the lucky few who married their best friend and get to enjoy every second of our marriage together. I've spent a good deal of time in Mexico and learned great lessons on understanding and unconditional love. I've seen poverty and cried for the children who have nothing. My life is amazing. I don't regret a second of it, and I guess I can't really blame people for not believing me. I'm not the kind of person who judges other people. I love everyone I meet and have a huge desire for people to like me. Heck, I even want the Taliban to like me. But that isn't the road life takes us on. Heavenly Father sends us trials sometimes that can shred the very faith that holds our lives together. But perseverance, unconditional love, understanding, and forgiveness is the only way to ever make it through.

Very Upsetting

2010-10-04T11:44:00.000-05:00

A couple of days ago I sent out an email to some of my friends asking if they would like to do a babysitting swap this week so Mike and I could go to dinner. Today, one of the ladies emailed me back, basically saying she thought I was a bad person, a liar, and she didn't trust me. I was very shocked and offended, especially because she has only ever met me about 5 times, maybe. And that was only during scrap booking meetings. I really don't know how I am supposed to feel or react. I've always known that people from this part of the country tend to be more judgmental, but I had never experienced it before today. I'm going to assume that the Lord wants me to learn something from this situation. I don't know what it is yet, maybe forgiveness and understanding. I'm definitely not feeling that way right now, I have a long way to go before I can reach forgiveness for sure!

We all go through trials I guess. I know so many people who have much harder challenges in their lives. They have found a way to live happily and accept their trials so I can do that, too. Thank you to everyone who has sent me messages of encouragement and inspiration. You all mean so much to me and I am very grateful.

Make me accountable!

2010-10-04T02:03:00.000-05:00

I'm just a little tired of being overweight. I need my friends and family to join me in my effort to lose these extra pounds for good. I added a ticker so everyone can see my weight loss. I seriously need some motivation! Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Superwoman?

2010-10-02T23:27:00.000-05:00

Gosh, today was a crazy busy day. I don't think I've been this productive for a long time. Here's what all I did. Scrubbed my kitchen from top to bottom, cleaned all the floors, an hour of home preschool, three loads of laundry, cleaned the living room furniture, cooked three meals, vacuumed my stairs, cleaned all the bedrooms, worked out... all while taking care of my boys. Of course that's on top of two baby meltdowns and my four year old tipping his dresser over and smashing the top drawer to pieces. (He has had it for an entire day, what did I expect?) Lets hope tomorrow is a little less crazy.

Bitter Sweet

2010-09-30T11:15:00.000-05:00

So my best friend here in Idaho Falls is leaving tonight to move back to Vermont. I'm so sad that she is leaving. It took me a very long time to make a good friend here. I have very much enjoyed getting to know her over the past 6 months. I really hope we can stay in touch and maintain our friendship! That said, it has been kind of awesome getting to pilfer through her stuff. She is only taking what fits in her car with her, so I've acquired some pretty cool things for my house. Some of them you might even see repurposed on my craft blog in the next few weeks, exciting!!!

Mike and the kids, and I have been doing pretty great. We're still trying to get everything in order for him to quit his job in a few months. I'm getting a teeny tiny bit nervous about it, but I KNOW this is God's plan for us. When things aren't working out in one way, He always provides us with the guidance and courage to take the next step. We are so blessed!

I'm still not sure if Phil will be starting preschool or not. Besides the fact that the school is driving me crazy wanting to set up eight million evaluations, we also don't know whether we will be going to school in Idaho Falls or Pocatello. If we go to Pocatello, it might make preschool a non-option. Not that he NEEDS it anyway, I just thought he would enjoy the interaction. Oh well.

So fun!

2010-09-28T23:43:00.000-05:00

Well, Mike and I had a great time on our date, and the food was amazing. Now we're hanging out at home and he's playing Dead Rising2 while I waste time on the computer. Feel free to stop by The Picky Eater and check out my review of Buddy's Italian Restaurant.

Date Night

2010-09-28T17:01:00.000-05:00

It feels amazing to be having a date tonight with Mike. Lately we only go out with the kids, and it just isn't the same. I can't complain about going out with the kids, though. They have actually been pretty well behaved. I just miss the in depth conversations you don't get to have around little ones. We're going to this new Italian restaurant in town, called "Buddy's Italian Restaurant." I hope it's yummy. Mike is still boycotting Olive Garden, and he says the description of Johnny Carinos is really weird, (southern italian cooking). So this is kind of like my last chance to find a nice sit down Italian place here. I'll post a review on my other blog, here.

Alrighty then, time to get off my lazy bum, clean my house and shower. I hope everyone is having a great week so far!

More pictures!!!

2010-09-27T22:52:00.000-05:00

Summer Pictures

2010-09-27T10:31:00.000-05:00

Here's a slew of pics from this summer, more to come.

Ugh

2010-09-23T23:30:00.000-05:00

Some days are definitely better than others. Right now I don't feel very cheery or happy. I don't want to be stressed out anymore. I don't want to have to worry about other people being stressed out anymore. I just want peace and quiet.

Summer

2010-08-23T17:53:00.001-05:00

Well, Summer will be over soon in Idaho. It's kind of hard to believe. I really have no idea where all our time has gone. We didn't do very much this year. I took the kids to the park as much as I could and tried to get some home projects completed. We took a day trip down to Bear Lake, and I got to see my best friend, Candace. I met a wonderful group of ladies to scrapbook with. They are so great! Some of them are in the book club I joined as well. We have read a couple of really great books so far. I can't wait to crack open the next one. I've been spending a lot of my spare time crafting. It's the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes. Phillip went in for a preschool evaluation three weeks ago. I was expecting to hear from them within a few days, boy was I wrong. Still no word. It's kind of frustrating, but if they don't want him to attend their school then that's their loss. He is a smart, amazing, talented child who would be a beacon in that place.

Mike and I have made the bold, daring decision to quit the workforce and go back to school full time. The timeline is sketchy, but hopefully soon. It's kind of scary because there are a lot of changes that will be happening. I've never put my babies in childcare before. I never even thought it would ever be a possibility. I love them so much, and I love being at home with them, but ultimately this is the best decision for all of us. We both want to pursue a degree in Human Resources. What a change, right?!

I had surgery on my foot in July. It kind of sucked, but my Aunt came out and helped me with the kids for a couple of weeks. It was such a blessing to have her here. I don't go to Alabama to visit my family. I've been one time in the past five years. It was really nice to see her. Now it seems that I will need to have the screws taken out of my foot. My podiatrist says he will give me 45 days to heal, and if there is no reduction in pain or swelling, then they're coming out. I'm not looking forward to this. I took the 45 days, but I know what's going to happen. Luckily it will be much easier on me than the first surgery. I only need to rest for two days and then wear my stupid surgery boot for an additional eight days. I am supposed to be able to take care of everything on my own, and not need any help as long as I wear the boot. Fun!!!...

Well, there's not a lot else going on. If you want to see all the crafts I have been working on then hop on over to thepickyeater2010.blogspot.com

Nice weather

2010-06-14T18:49:00.002-05:00

The weather here in Idaho has been inconsistent, to say the least. We will get teased by a couple of nice days and then be cold and rainy for a week. So when we got up today to find it was nice outside, we rushed for the door. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

We took the kids to Tautphaus Park. It's really nice there. They have a zoo, multiple playgrounds, skateboard park, horseshoes, tennis... . We ultimately opted to find a nice shady patch of grass and just hang out. It was really great to just be outside and enjoy the sun for a while. I took a whole bunch of pictures, but it might be a little bit before I actually get them posted.

As for all of you guys basking in the daily summer heat and sunshine, know that you are envied.

La Di Da

2010-06-12T08:00:00.002-05:00

Where does time go? Gosh, I really don't know. Life is still really busy for us, but I am feeling a lot more optimistic. Right now our biggest challenge is getting Daniel's eczema under control. He has had some pretty nasty outbreaks recently. I took him to the pediatrician yesterday and got some temporary medicine to hold us over until his dermatology appointment. The good news about Danny is that he has gained a little over three pounds in the past three months, Woohoo! That puts him at 34%. Quite a big change from the 14% I'm used to. Danny is such an amazing little boy. Every day I feel blessed to be allowed to be part of his life. No matter how blue I may get from time to time, just one of his smiles makes me feel like I'm floating on a cloud. I know that sounds cheesy. He is still practicing walking. He takes about two to three steps from time to time, (on his own terms, of course). He says a few different words, also on his own terms. He sleeps all night and plays all day. He is so happy and smiling constantly. Words just can't describe how much I love and adore that precious little boy!

Phillip has been doing much better recently, too. We had an incident a few weeks ago that forced us to really crack down on him. It has been a challenge keeping him on track as far as behavior goes, but he is definitely improving. We will find out in August whether or not he is going to be able to start preschool. I really hope so. He doesn't necessarily need it to learn any basics, since he is much farther advanced than his peers intellectually, but socially he would benefit. He has a very hard time with classroom related rules, like sharing, sitting still, waiting your turn, etcetera. So I'm really hoping he gets in this preschool. As far as his actual learning goes, I couldn't be more proud of him. We finished up his preschool concepts a long time ago, so we have moved on to kindergarten skills for now. He is reading, spelling, doing basic math, and learning more and more about nature. My only fear is that once he gets to school, there isn't going to be much for him to learn. The last thing I need is him acting up constantly out of boredom.

So, June is birthday month here. I had the "brilliant" idea of spacing our children exactly three years apart, (for developmental reasons, obviously). It totally slipped my mind that this would mean all of our children having their birthdays at the same time. I've had a tough time trying to figure out what to do. With Phil's unpredictable mood swings, and Danny's eczema, it's a challenge to find something suitable for them both. The best idea I have so far, (and also the cheapest) is to take them to the dollar tree and let them both pick out ten cheap toys each, then head to the arcade for a while. Top that with a trip to McDonald's for dinner and you've got two happy little boys. The whole thing would only cost me about $35 dollars and virtually stress free. I could always do a traditional party with tons of kids, and balloons, and cake, and ice cream... and the craziness never ends. But I'm lazy and I don't want to be stressed out this year.

2010-05-16T09:35:00.003-05:00

It's been a pretty long time since I had an update of any substance. I feel bad for not posting, but it's just one more thing to keep up with right now. Do you ever have one of those days, weeks, months where you just feel inadequate? Like everything you do is sub-par. That's certainly how I have felt lately. I have no energy, my house is always messy, my kids aren't getting nearly enough attention, and I'm so worn out by the end of the day that all I want to do is eat and go to sleep.

It doesn't help that my oldest son has become almost unmanageable. I stay up really late every night with Mike, trying to savage whatever free time there is without the children, but when I wake up in the morning, it's always back to reality.

It's not fair of me to complain since Mike has it way harder than me at work, but here I am complaining anyway. On the bright side, my diet is on track and I plan on keeping it that way. No more looking like a beached whale when I put my swimsuit on!

My monkeys!

2010-04-13T11:06:00.020-05:00

We have had a few beautiful days this month in Idaho, so I thought I'd share a few pictures of the boys playing outside. Having a winter that lasts six months is no fun for anybody, so needless to say the kids couldn't have been happier to be out in the back yard. Enjoy!

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf???

2010-03-26T12:15:00.003-05:00

Phillip has been scared of pretty much everything recently. He's at a point where he is starting to understand the world around him, and sometimes that means realizing your fears. I was pretty annoyed with him at first. "Mommy, I'm scared of cartoons," "Mommy, toys are scary." Then came the less annoying, "Mommy, I'm scared of the dark and everything in it." It took me a while to understand that his fears are justified. Think of all the ridiculous things we are scared of as adults, that children balk at. We're scared of making new friends, speaking in public, being different, even having opinions. So I would say he has every right to be scared of things that really can be scary.

That said, I have ALWAYS been afraid of the dark. Most people who know me would never know this. I put on a brave front, and have even been known to make fun of other people for being scared of the dark. I deny myself the privilege of looking frightened when nobody else can see. Each and every night when I get up to feed Danny, I make a trip to the bathroom before going back to bed. I don't know what I think is going to happen but I'm scared to death of dark bathrooms. Refusing to appear bothered, I walk as slow as humanly possible from Danny's room to the bathroom door. It's only about two steps, but it feels like an eternity. I go inside, turn the light on and shut the door. I'm safe in the light if only for a moment. I absolutely will not look in the mirror or glance in the shower. If something is going to get me, I'd rather it just do it and not scare me first. After my time in the bathroom is done, I make sure I'm all the way in the hallway before I turn off the light. I won't even spend one second in there with the light off. Then I take the treacherous six steps to my bed as slowly as I can. Maybe if I look brave I will scare off the bad guys. Then as quickly as I can, I snuggle up to my knight in shining armor, who has no idea the comfort he is providing me. I close my eyes and drift away to a happier place until the light of the loving sun hits my face in the morning. Another night conquered.

Fear, whether justified or not, is there. Society holds no bars in exposing us to the horrors the world has to offer. If it weren't for my lust of knowledge, I would love to be naive and trusting to everything around me.

Eight months!

2010-03-03T12:03:00.003-06:00

Danny turned eight months old on Feb. 24th. He is the most perfect little angel that I could ever imagine having in my home. He is always happy, sleeps incredibly well, and never gives me a hard time with anything. I love him so much! He's crawling, saying "Dada" and "Bleh," eating three normal meals a day, and best of all... he just cut his first tooth!!!! I honestly had no idea his tooth was coming in. He never ran a fever or got grumpy. He just stuck my finger in his mouth yesterday and there it was! What a joy!

I decided that I really needed to change something about myself. Losing weight is such a long process for me, so I needed something I could do RIGHT NOW. So, I decided to change my hair. My hair has been black for the past three years, so I had no idea if I could actually get it blonde or not. I wasn't 100% confident when I started, but I couldn't be happier with the results. I think it looks great and I'm so happy that I took the risk.

Phillip has always been our little "problem-child." He's loud, doesn't listen to anyone, whines all day, and never wants to eat what I fix him... but what can I say? I love him to death. He is so smart and funny. He has the biggest personality and always puts a smile on my face. He is so caring. He always wants to apologize when he makes you upset and will come give you hugs if you look sad. He is the best big brother to Danny! They play together and chase each other. Phillip always asks me if Danny is hungry and when his nap time is. It's not always easy having two energetic little boys, but it's always worth it!

Mike and I have been enjoying our free time together at night. The kids have been going to bed at eight o'clock every night, which is right when Mike gets off work. So we have had a lot of alone time lately. It's been a nice change of pace from the hectic routine we usually have at night. All good things must come to an end though, since Mike's schedule is changing next week. Luckily the kids' schedule doesn't have to change, we just won't have as much alone time together. It was great while it lasted though.

I've been on a long distance diet with my best friend from Alabama. I've lost four pounds so far, but this past week has been hectic and hard. I know if I really want to lose weight I have to start working out, but on four hours of sleep a night, it's hard to find the energy. I'm stepping it up though. I'll be ready for beach season in no time!

What a wonderful life!

2010-02-26T21:46:00.002-06:00

It's been a really great few weeks here. We haven't necessarily done anything special, but I've enjoyed all the quality time we have had together. Dieting is going pretty good. I've lost five pounds, bringing the total since Daniel was born to 37 pounds lost. I still have quite a ways to go before I reach my goal though. I want to lose another 22 pounds by summer. I think I can do it!

Phillip is doing really well. His home-preschooling is coming along. We're working on reading and spelling, and he's doing a great job.

Daniel is getting way too big! He is sitting and crawling and saying da-da. He wants to do everything Phil does and it's just too darn cute!

Well, until next time......

The ultimate test

2010-02-10T11:46:00.000-06:00

Last night, merely a few short hours into my clothing diet, I needed to go to the store for dishwasher powder. The only lane open at ten o’clock at night is the cigarette lane right in front of the clothes. Don’t get ahead of me now, I didn’t buy anything. I’ll tell you sincerely, though, that the clothing Gods knew I was coming. Literally everything was marked down to three dollars. Dresses, pants, jackets, shirts... you name it. It was absolute and pure torture!!! My mind was going a hundred miles an hour trying to justify buying everything in sight. “It’s only three dollars,” “You need seven new dresses,” “What if you lose a bunch of weight, and nothing fits anymore?” It surely didn’t help that the line was four people deep, and one lady had gone grocery shopping. (I guess I’m not the only one who grocery shops so late.) Somehow I made it home without any new clothes. Part of me is sad, but I feel much more powerful and in control. If I can come out of that situation triumphant, I can handle all the others.

If anyone else wants to jump on this bandwagon with me, let me know.

A different kind of diet.

2010-02-08T12:46:00.002-06:00

I've decided I spend way too much money on clothes. I get bored of what I have and just go buy crap I end up not wearing much. So, I've set a phenomenal goal of not buying any new clothes for myself for an entire year! Now that I have a sewing machine, it should be fun to repurpose all my old things into new exciting outfits. I don't know how many countless items of clothing I don't wear just because they don't fit me "just right." It's time to stop being a big ole money waster and start doing my part to save both our money and in a roundabout way, the earth. Does anyone dare to join me in this venture?

2010-01-16T16:00:00.002-06:00

Hey, it's been a while you guys. Sorry I haven't had much free time. I do have a new journal on our family website though. web.mac.com/mikevandyke1

Finally, an update!

2009-11-13T12:31:00.006-06:00

I've been so super busy lately, but I finally found some time for a quick update. First, I wanted to share this picture with you guys. It's right before we left to go to the hospital and have Danny.

And now four months later, I'm finally starting to look a little more normal. I'm hoping to be back to my normal self by New Year's. Here's my most recent picture.

I have no idea how much weight I have lost. I stopped weighing myself about five weeks ago. Now I'm just focusing more on making healthy choices and staying active. Not that I have much of a choice in that area. With two little kids, you're active whether you like it or not.

Speaking of kids, I HAVE to brag on Phillip. He is just the smartest little guy. Most recently he is counting to forty, spelling about six different words, he knows all his letters and letter sounds, he can write most of his numbers and letters, and that's just to name a few things he has been working on. I am always amazed at how quick he is to learn new things. We're about to start learning about the solar system and I can't wait! I have a ton of fun projects lined up and I just know it's going to be a blast! I never thought doing home preschool would be this much fun. But seeing him learn and grow and discover just makes me all warm and fuzzy.

Daniel is doing very well, too! He really is just the sweetest baby boy. Every time I look at him I light up a little bit more. He is always, and I mean ALWAYS happy. He loves to wrestle with his toys. He'll grab onto them and just roll around eating them. It's so cute. He is rolling both ways, but he doesn't do it that much. Mostly he kicks his legs and spins in circles.

I love my family so much. We haven't had the easiest life, moving all over the country and starting over time and time again, but we love each other and we're happy. That's all that really matters.

I'll post some pictures of the boys soon!

Pending the inspection results, WE GOT THE HOUSE!!!

2009-10-04T22:02:00.001-05:00

We are so excited and can't wait until the inspection on Tuesday. If everything goes well we will be moving in the last two days of this month, Hooray!

Just some pictures.

2009-10-04T12:47:00.002-05:00

This is my three month postpartum body. It's not what I was hoping for, but I'm getting there.

Danny eating baby cereal for the first time.

Me and Mike just being silly.

Buying a house?!?

2009-09-25T16:12:00.003-05:00

I'm being so impatient today. I know that buying a house is a long process, but I just want it to be mine! As far as we know, there aren't any other offers on the house and it has been on the market for quite some time. I just have to be confident that we can make a deal where everyone wins and is happy.

We didn't even originally consider this house. At a first glance it didn't seem like anything spectacular. We looked at a few other places first, and thought we would take a look at this one, just to be sure. As soon as we walked up to the house, we immediately fell in love with it. The pictures could never do it justice! I'm almost at a loss for how beautiful and spacious this home is for the price. I'm pretty sure it would have sold for a lot more a few years ago, but fortunately we are in the market at the perfect time.

If all goes well, there should be a deal by tomorrow. I can almost taste it!

http://www.trulia.com/property/photos/1074568955-1160-Stanger-Ave-Idaho-Falls-ID-83404

Three Months

2009-09-21T09:52:00.003-05:00

My cute little baby at three months old!

I swear he is the spitting image of his brother, identical!

Look at that adorable smile, just brightens my day.

I can't believe it has been three months already. I really has seemed like time has been flying by. Daniel is such an awesome little guy. I honestly think he is the best baby I've ever known. He is always so happy and smiling at everyone. He is still sleeping great, usually six to eight hours straight, then up to eat and back to sleep for another three or four hours. I feel so blessed to have him in my life!

I hit a weight loss plateau for a while. I didn't lose any weight for seven weeks, then last week I started a diet and I have lost two pounds since. I am usually against anything that has to do with dieting. I would much rather just work out a little more, but that hasn't been an option yet. I'm hoping I can start exercising again when we get into a house., and get back on a reasonable schedule.

Potty Training! and Herbal Tea

2009-09-01T16:01:00.002-05:00

What can I say? It's past time for me to be doing this but by gosh I've just been busy. Today is day five of potty training. The first two days were an emotional and physical disaster. Phillip would just cry and cry every time I put him on the toilet. Day three we took a break. Then yesterday we started up again. It seems like our day off really helped because Phillip used the potty three times last night. Once he even went by himself. I was at the store and Mike was home with Phil when Mike discovered a little bit of pee on Phil's shirt. Apparently he went by himself and forgot to pull his shirt up. Silly boy! Today he has used the potty twice and had one accident. We were outside though, and I think he just forgot he wasn't wearing a diaper, no biggie!

Okay, so now on to the herbal tea. I want to start producing more breast milk, and I have been reading a lot about how different herbs aid in healthy lactation. So last night I went to the organic section in Fred Meyer and found a tea specifically for that purpose. today will be my first day trying it out. My cup of tea is steeping as we speak, and it smells terrible. I can only pray it tastes better than this aroma I'm subjected to at the moment. So here's what all is in it:

Fennel

Aniseed

Coriander

Fenugreek seed

Thistle

Spearmint leaf

Lemongrass leaf

Lemon Verbena leaf

Marshmallow Root

Who knew marshmallow was a root? I thought it was a disgusting puffy sugar thingy. I think I'll do some research on that.

Just me saying things...

2009-08-27T15:45:00.003-05:00

Do you ever get to a point in your life where you just think, "What's next?" That's kind of where I am. We always seem to have something going on. Whether it be having a baby, moving and starting a new job, family visiting, family problems, etc. Now we are looking for a house that will still enable us to pay off our car after we get all the medical bills from the past couple of months. I really just can't help but wonder if there is going to be a lull in all this craziness. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I just wonder what will be next.

Here's a couple of cute pics of the boys the week before we moved. I really need to get the ball rolling and put all my new pictures on the computer.

Luvin' my babies!

2009-08-25T14:29:00.003-05:00

I just absolutely love seeing how Phil's personality has begun to bloom. Everyday I see more and more of it. He is such a sweet and caring little boy, it just melts my heart. Aside from loving to draw pictures, he also loves hanging out with his little brother. They lay on the blanket together outside and Phil talks to him. No doubt he's telling him all about how to get around Mommy's rules. Phil really likes his new home, mostly because this is the first time he has ever had stairs. He goes up and down the stairs all day long, climbing up, then sliding down on his belly. Oh! And for the first time yesterday he started eating a whole apple without me cutting it up. He just picked it up and started munching!

Danny is a little sweetheart, too. I adore his innocent little smile. Can you imagine being so tiny, and everything you ever see or do is brand new? I try to imagine what it would feel like, maybe it's the same way astronauts feel when they go to outer space. Danny's favorite thing to do right now is sit in his car seat and play with the links hanging down. He coos and slaps at them and it's so cute to watch! I try to keep him awake as much as possible, just hoping to see him do something cute and memorable. Maybe that's why he is sleeping so well at night. Last night he slept for nine hours before waking up to eat, then going back to sleep.

On a sadder note, my weight loss seems to have come to a plateau. I guess I'm going to have to start working out again now. I have lost 30 pounds though, and I think it will be pretty easy to get to my goal as long as I put forth some sort of effort. (Not something I'm known for.) I prefer to just have fun and do whatever I want, but apparently that doesn't make you look like the smokin' 20 year old you once were.

What I'd give to be in that good of shape again!

My three-year-old artist.

2009-08-21T17:06:00.004-05:00

The past couple of weeks Phillip has really gotten into drawing. It started with him coloring entire notebook pages one color. Then he started drawing straight lines and circles, and now he is drawing whatever his little mind thinks of. Yesterday he drew his favorite cartoon character, "Captain Knuckles," a camera, the sun and moon, the number 10, Mommy, and a car on a road. He did a really good job too! I took some photos of them, but we haven't put them on the computer yet. I'll post them when we do. I can't help but wonder what he will learn to draw next. Or even what he will learn to say or do next! He just seems to be progressing so fast since Danny was born.

Danny is doing great, too! He is sleeping really well. He usually sleeps for six hours when I put him to bed, then he wakes up to eat and goes back to sleep for another four hours. His legs are starting to get stronger. He likes to lay on my chest and bounce with them. I don't know how much he weighs right now, but he's a little chunkster!

I love my monkeys!!!

Blogging outside!

2009-08-19T16:44:00.002-05:00

After living in Kansas for so long, I had forgotten it was possible to actually enjoy being outside. Here I now sit, on a blanket in the shade, with my babies by my side. There's a slight breeze, just enough to battle the warm air. I feel so refreshed! Okay, enough bragging.

Today is Mike's third day at work. He says the people he works with are friendly enough. I met one gal, Angela. She seemed really nice! Of coarse our ultimate goal is still for Mike to go to school full time for a new career. But this will do until we can make that a reality. Mike doesn't really like Air Traffic Control at all. He has recently said he would like to work in Human Resources. I know things will work out for him eventually. In the meantime, we have a wonderful place to call home.

By the way, has anyone ever heard of frisbee golf? Well, until we moved here I just thought it was a made up game on the Wii, but it turns out it's real! It looks super fun too. I think I will try my hand at the sport and see where it takes me. I need to start playing tennis again, too. I really miss it!

We made it, sort of.

2009-08-17T13:03:00.002-05:00

Well, we got to Idaho Falls four days ago. So far, the place seems pretty nice, but we've had a ton of crazy drama ever since arriving. When we got to the rental office to sign our lease and pick up the keys nobody seemed to know very much. They couldn't figure out where our keys were and informed us the stove top in our apartment didn't work. They also didn't know which mailbox was ours, and said we should just try them all until we got the right one. Great idea... I'll just stand outside and look like I'm trying to break in and steal everyone's mail!

We were told someone would be by the following day to fix our stove top, and indeed they were. Unfortunately, he needed to order the parts, which wouldn't be in for a week. Oh and did I mention the fact that the stove electrocuted him? Yeah, not gonna work for me. So I had to call and tell the office we were NOT going an entire week with a stove that doesn't work and electrocutes people. I had to be kinda rude to the gal on the phone about it. I didn't want to, but she refused to acknowledge it was a problem. So I let her know that if we didn't have a new stove by the end of the day, we were leaving and filing a complaint with the attorney general. Somehow they miraculously came up with a new stove within the hour.

Additionally, our apartment was filthy when we moved in. The walls were not even so much as wiped off, so there are all kinds of soda spills and stuff on them. The light fixtures are all covered in grime and bugs. The top of the fridge is covered in dust and grime, there were cigarette butts in our garage, and an old rusty grill with wasp nests inside on the back patio. The floors might have been vacuumed, but they weren't cleaned because they turn our socks black. We took pictures of everything and put it on the sheet you fill out stating the status of the apt. We asked if they could either send out a cleaning crew, or reimburse for our first weeks rent since we couldn't move our stuff in until everything was clean. When the lady called us back she said the owner claimed he looked at the apartment previously and there was nothing wrong with it. What a liar!!!

So, we are less than pleased with this apartment. Mike said if he like's his job, then we'll find a house and buy out of our lease. If he decides he doesn't like his job here, then we are going to find a way for him to go back to school. We're kind of tired of going from tower to tower hoping it will be different. The town seems nice though. There are a ton of parks, a zoo, a museum, mall, lots of places to go out. Now as long as Mike likes his job we'll be set!

I had a heck of a time getting to church yesterday. The internet gave me directions to nowhere, so I ended up driving around in a five square mile radius until I found the right street. With all the confusion, I was only fifteen minutes late. Of coarse Phillip had to cry and be a handful all throughout sacrament, but I knew I had to just stay in the meeting and deal with it. If you take them out the first time, they expect it from then on out. He loved his nursery class though and did really well. I met a few nice ladies and hopefully I'll meet some more people tomorrow at playgroup.

My past three weeks have been very stressful. I'm praying that it's all for my own good, but to be honest I have just been a little down. Having a baby, my five week old getting surgery, moving, and dealing with this crappy rental agency have just made me a little pessimistic. I seriously need a break.

Pros and Cons of a Baby who sleeps well.

2009-08-08T13:55:00.002-05:00

I've recently found myself unable to decide whether or not it's a good thing that Danny sleeps so well. On the one hand, I have been getting a lot more sleep than I did with Phillip. But on the other hand, going so long at a time without nursing has convinced my body to start menstruating again. I'm really happy for Danny! He wakes up happy and it just lights up my day to see him smile. But seriously, I thought I would be able to make it longer than six weeks before getting my period. I thought that was supposed to be one of the perks of breast feeding. I should have expected it though. With Phillip, I got it back around nine weeks postpartum. But he took an entire month to start latching on and didn't eat well, so I wasn't very surprised. This time around really was a surprise for me though. Danny has been a great little "sucker" ever since he was born. He eats a TON and has gained about five pounds already. I honestly thought I was going to luck out. Has anyone else had this happen? It just seems unfair! Perhaps even more frustrating than just having my period back, is that now I have to worry about getting pregnant again. Grrrrr. I miss the worry-free days!!!

Daniel's Surgery

2009-08-06T16:30:00.002-05:00

Well Daniel had to have a minor surgery last week. It wasn't a very big deal, but I kinda freaked out anyway. I started to change his diaper and noticed a weird lump right next to his rectum. I immediately showed Mike, and started looking all over the internet to find out what it was. I decided I thought it was an abscess, (which turned out to be right) and called the doctor's office. They told me to come in the next morning. I originally thought the pediatrician would just suck the gunk out with a needle and everything would be done with. Boy was I wrong!

The doctor came in and looked at it and said she needed to have the surgeon come down and see if he could drain it in the office or not. She said if he couldn't do it there, then Daniel would have to be admitted to the hospital and have surgery to remove the puss. I was kind of taken aback. A hospital stay wasn't exactly on my agenda for the day. What would I do about Mike going to work, and who would watch Phillip? Well, the surgeon finally arrived and decided the abscess was too big to drain in the office. We would have to be admitted. Great... just our luck.

Luckily I have a great friend who offered to take Phillip home with her for a while. The last thing I needed was to try and take care of a hungry, fussy three year old while trying not to break down about little Danny. I was told Daniel wouldn't be able to eat again until after his surgery. He already hadn't eaten in three hours, and they needed to wait a total of six hours before putting him under anesthesia because of the risk of aspirating into his lungs. That made me freak out, too. A couple of nurses came over and tried to put an I.V. in his arm, but after two blown veins they decided to let the pediatric nurses take care of it. At this point, I am a complete emotional mess.

We finally got admitted into the pediatric ward around 11:30 in the morning. We were told the surgery was scheduled for around five that evening. At six o'clock the nurse informs us that they are backed up in surgery, and the surgeon suggested feeding Daniel and trying again in the morning. That was not an option for me. I refuse to starve my five week old baby all day for NOTHING! So we made it pretty clear that we were under no circumstances waiting until the next day for his surgery. They weren't happy with us, but to be honest, I really could have cared less. Daniel ended up going to surgery at 11:30 that night.

The procedure itself only lasted about ten minutes. The surgeon made a one inch incision across the abscess and drained it. He said there was a lot more puss in it than he originally thought. Daniel was put on a ten day supply of the antibiotic Cleocin. He is doing great now, and seems much happier.

A late tribute to Michael Jackson

2009-08-06T14:44:00.002-05:00

I meant to write this post quite a while ago, but was sidetracked with kids and moving. I realize there is a lot of controversy surrounding Michael Jackson. Alleged crimes, plastic surgeries, his infamous dangling the baby. It's not my place to judge others based on their personal decisions or accused actions. In the end, one fact remains and perhaps is the most important one of all. He changed the way we think of music and inspired countless millions with his words.

I can remember the very first time I heard "Man in the Mirror." It was such a life-changing moment for me. I was going through a pretty rough time in my life. My mother had been diagnosed with cancer only about a month after my little brother came to live with us. He was only six months old, coming from an abusive home. I was having a particularly hard time with school and friends, and had recently become discouraged at church because I was the only LDS youth in my county. It was just a very dismal time in my life and I wasn't sure how to turn things around. So one day, I went to the mall with a couple of friends and decided to peruse a few cd's. I picked Michael Jackson's Number Ones cd, put the head phones on, and scanned the bar code. There were only three songs to choose from on the preview, so I chose "Man in the Mirror." I could immediately feel the power and emotions from this song. The message was so clear to me, and I knew that all I had to do was look to myself to make the change in me that I needed; both to be a better person, and to deal with the adversity that comes from living in a world that doesn't understand you.

Indeed from that day forward, Michael Jackson has had a permanent place in my heart. I bought the cd, and listen to it on a regular basis even now. That's not the only song that has meaning to me, but it's the one that changed me. I truly do believe that the world can be a better place if we look at ourselves and make the changes we want to see in others.

I know he'll never know what he did for me, but I like to think that "in the beyond" he can see what good has come from his music. Thank you, Michael, for having the courage to follow your dreams.

Facebook Poll Rantings

2009-07-28T03:35:00.002-05:00

Today I logged onto Facebook in an attempt to relax after a long day of phone calls and cranky children. One of the first things I noticed was a poll that a few people I know voted on. It was, "Should people on welfare have to be drug tested to get a check?" I was surprised to see how many people voted "yes." By no means do I support the idea of some scum bag using my tax dollars on dope, but being on welfare doesn't make you a scum bag. I know plenty of hard working, upstanding citizens who just so happen to be poor. Some of the most amazing friends I have are on welfare and they deserve every penny of it. What they don't deserve is the humiliation of having to pee in front of government employees to prove that they aren't scum. Do we not live in a country with a constitution that guarantees us certain freedoms? Is it not embarrassing enough to have to be on welfare? Isn't it enough that in order to maintain their dignity, they are forced to go grocery shopping at three in the morning so nobody sees their food stamps? I'm so exhausted of all the unfair stereotypes!

I'm sure it's easy to say yes when you have plenty of money. Maybe it's even easy to say yes when you don't respect yourself enough to care about your rights as a human being. It's not out of the question to assume that there are a few people abusing the system. But, in my opinion, you shouldn't punish those who are doing what's right, and have integrity, just to make sure you get all the bad guys. I saw enough of that nonsense in the Army.

There is a very vague point that our ever-strengthening government must be very careful not to cross. How easy it would be to force everyone to choose what's right. There's a name for that... dictatorship... soon followed by another name... communism. If you really want to live that way, I suggest moving to China. Just be sure to take an air purifier with you and wear a mask. I hear there is a lot of pollution.

Idaho Falls

2009-07-21T14:56:00.002-05:00

It seems only fitting that one of the busiest times since we moved to Kansas is when we are likely to be moving again. That's usually how it works. Daniel will be four weeks old tomorrow, Phillip just started a new schedule, Mike is just about to get his vacation at work, and we get the phone call. "Hi Mike, I got your application... ." We are still waiting for the "final" word. The Air Traffic Manager has made it pretty obvious that she wants to hire him though, and just has to get the go-ahead. We are really excited about going to Idaho. Idaho Falls seems like a wonderful area, and I think we will enjoy it.

Daniel's Due Date

2009-07-17T03:15:00.003-05:00

I can't believe he's three weeks old!

Yesterday was my actual due date for Daniel. So naturally we decided to turn on Wii Fit to weigh him in. You'll never guess how much he weighs... go ahead, guess... 10.1 pounds!!! That's almost three pounds more than when he was born, and additionally, it's close to what his doctors estimated he would weigh at full term. So I'm just curious, does that mean if he were born yesterday he would have weighed the same amount, or is weight gained differently after birth? Either way, he's a BIG boy!

Phillip has been cracking me up lately. He comes up with some of the silliest ways to entertain himself, like playing blues clues, or chasing our cat around the house. Oh kids!

Two weeks old!

2009-07-08T19:28:00.002-05:00

Daniel is officially two weeks old today. The time is going by so fast it's almost scary. At his appointment yesterday, Daniel had already gained over a pound, weighing in at 8 pounds 8 ounces. He had also grown an entire inch to 20 1/2 inches tall. The nurse said he was in the 60th percentile for everything, which I think is excellent for a baby who wasn't even due until the 17th. Daniel is a wonderful son. He is so sweet and perfect. I think he and Phillip are going to be best friends! Phillip already wants to help with everything, and he tries to sneak him sippy cups and blankets when I'm not looking. It's just too funny.

I'd like to remind everyone that we have videos and pictures on our family website, web.mac.com/mikevandyke1

Daniel Ray

2009-06-29T01:14:00.003-05:00

Well, the last entry I wrote on here was to tell everyone about how Daniel wasn’t ready to join us yet, and my water broke the next day. Daniel Ray VanDyke was born on June 24th at 3:31 am. He weighed 7 pounds 4.3 oz, and was 19 1/2 inches long. Despite being born three weeks early, he is doing very well. He has a little bit of jaundice, but it should go away soon on it’s own.

His labor wasn’t too bad either. I didn’t feel any contractions at all until I was dilated to five, and it started hurting not long after that. I made it to an eight before getting an epidural. I was hoping to not get one at all, but I caved in. I’m really glad that I did, too. Once it kicked in I was able to take a nap and rest a little bit. The nurse woke me up a few minutes before it was time to push. Unfortunately, Daniel was turned face-up, so I had to push on my side for almost half an hour to get him to turn around. Three contractions after he turned around he was born. I was happy to not have to feel any pain!

Daniel originally only got an APGAR score of 2, but his second one was 8, and his third one was nine. He didn’t cry very much after being born, he is a very happy baby. Daniel sleeps ALL the time. I usually have to wake him up to eat. He eats really good though. I’m so thankful that he is a natural at breast feeding.

We’re very happy that everything went so well, and are enjoying every minute of having Daniel with us. Phillip is adjusting amazingly well to having him home. Phil likes to push Daniel in the swing and he tries to feed him when I’m not looking. Last night Daniel was laying on a blanket in the floor and he started crying, so Phil went over and started rubbing his belly saying, “It’s okay.” It was just too cute! I think it’s going to be pretty easy getting everyone on a schedule and getting back to normal. Daniel is just such a great baby!

Thanks for all the congratulations and gifts! We hope you guys enjoy the plethora of pictures and videos that will soon be coming to our website. Have a great week!

Is it time yet... NO!

2009-06-22T20:11:00.002-05:00

I thought I should write an update about the baby.

I went for my weekly checkup today. I explained to the doctor how much pain I have been having in my pelvis, so she said she would try and figure out what it was. As it turns out, while she was examining my cervix, she looks up and goes, " Wow, there's the baby's head, no wonder you are in so much pain." Apparently my behemoth of a baby has already decided to nestle his big head in my pelvis. She could feel his whole head almost. Unfortunately my body isn't as anxious as the baby though, because my cervix has only barely started to soften. Also, my fundus was still measuring a few weeks ahead of my actual pregnancy, so they want to do ANOTHER ultrasound next week to measure him again. Not that I mind, I love getting a chance to see my little monkey, I just hope they don't have any alarming news to give me, like, " You're delivering a toddler," or something like that. I'll be sure to let everyone know how it goes... wish me luck!

Controversial: Don't read if you can't handle other people's opinions.

2009-06-18T00:41:00.002-05:00

I've noticed myself get upset on nearly a daily basis since I moved to Kansas. I don't know if it's from traveling a lot in my life, being in the Army, or if I was just born this way; but I can't stand racism, intolerance, and stereotypes. I very strongly believe in accepting others for who they are. Even when you don't necessarily agree with them or understand them. We are all God's children. We should be in the habit if practicing unconditional love, and not taking our love away when others aren't doing the things that please us.

I hear a lot of people from this area complain about the spanish population and use derogatory nicknames for them. I can't even begin to state my feelings about it. I honestly don't see how anyone can take such a terrible attitude towards a family who just wants to be able to work and provide for themselves. So what if you have to read a couple of labels in Spanish at the grocery store. Does that harm us in any way? I have a lot of respect for immigrants and for the sacrifices and decisions they have to make. It doesn't matter what your nationality is, or if your customs are different, just that you are a child of God, who loves all his children.

I know abortion is wrong, and I don't support it in any way. But at the same time, I am sick of people judging women for it. Maybe they are uneducated, maybe they feel like it's the only option, who knows? What I do know is that alienating women for their personal choices is no way to show them your love. Sometimes when people least deserve love is when they need it the most. And the same goes for people who are homosexual. Maybe I don't agree with it, but it's not my right to take away someone else's free will.

I realize a lot of people don't agree with me. Some people think it's their job to save the world from sin, some people were raised with intolerant ideals. Whatever the case may be, I just wish we could all learn to love each other.

Not my best day

2009-06-12T15:03:00.002-05:00

I think there is something to be said when you have only been awake for two hours and you already can't wait for the day to be over. I'm normally very patient and understanding with Phil, and I don't typically get stressed out easily. I don't know what's making today so different, but I'm seriously not handling things well.

Could it possibly be that my body hurts... everywhere! It almost brings me to tears that I still have four more weeks in this much pain. At this point, I can't even concentrate on getting ready for the new baby because all I can think about is how to make my body feel better. The baby moves, kicks, and punches me all day long... my insides are so sore! That's really only the tip of the iceberg, though.

I know I just need to regroup and get organized, but doing it is a lot harder than it should be. Is it from carrying a bigger baby? I don't know. I'm just so exhausted.

Oh Baby! And lots of him...

2009-06-09T16:26:00.002-05:00

Okay, today I had a prenatal appointment. It's been three weeks since my last one because they had to cancel last week, but that was my ultrasound appointment where they measured the baby. He was big then, and not much has changed. Today the doc said the baby is between six and a half, and seven pounds. Yikes! I still have like five or six weeks left for him to get fatter! But that's okay, it's possible for their measurements to be off slightly. I had to get an A1C blood prick to test my sugar. Apparently sometimes bigger babies mean bad blood sugar levels, but my results were perfectly normal. I'll be going back every week now so they can keep an eye on the baby and start checking my cervix. We're getting closer...

Where would you go?

2009-05-30T15:10:00.002-05:00

Maybe it's the impending new arrival, or possibly my stress levels with Phillip, but lately all I can think of is going on a vacation. We've only ever taken two real vacations. When I was five months pregnant with Phillip, Mike and I flew to Washington for a couple of weeks. That was the first time I had ever met his family. Then we spent our first anniversary in Las Vegas. Both were more fun than I could imagine. Since then, we have moved all over the country for new jobs that don't offer vacation for a year.

I'd love to be able to go somewhere for Mike's and my anniversary this November. I know we won't be able to afford anything too extravagant, but something as simple as going to a football game and spending a few days in the city would really be nice. It's such a different experience being with your spouse away from kids and work. It makes me feel the kind of enthusiasm for life that we had before "settling down." I honestly didn't anticipate so much stress coming along with having a family. I guess I'm just naive that way. I always expect things to work out perfectly... they never do!

So I'm just curious... where would you go?

Time is running out!!!!

2009-05-28T15:04:00.002-05:00

Only six more weeks!!!

I woke up today feeling especially refreshed. I got almost eleven hours of sleep, and woke up to sweet little kisses from my three year old; Phillip is always the one to come get me up in the morning. Then I started thinking... in only six short weeks I am going to be starting all over again. Am I really ready for the challenges of having a second child? Phillip was the hardest baby. He cried about 10-15 hours a day, never slept, and I ended up with sleep paralysis. Even now, at three years old, he can be more than a handful.

I also feel like for the first time since Phillip was born, I'm finally starting to have more quality time with Mike. We usually get between three and four hours to ourselves every night after Phillip goes to bed, and it is just so nice. I know I'm being selfish for not wanting to give that up when the new baby is born. I just love the time we have had recently and I wish there was some way I didn't have to make the sacrifice.

Then there are my ever-prevalent fears of not being a good mother once I have two children. If I can so easily see my short-comings now, just with Phil, how guilty am I going to feel later? I know I will have to give up some of my hobbies for a while. There are plenty of things I can do to be a better mother. Like not coddling the children all the time like they're going to disappear. I'm pretty bad about thinking Phillip needs me all the time. I definitely will have to get out of that habit.

All that aside, I really am excited to meet our new little boy. I do hope he will be an easier an happier child than Phil has been, but only time will tell. Heavenly Father knows me, and He knows what our family can/can't handle. I just hope His plan for me includes a healthy baby who smiles and sleeps.

About the baby

2009-05-21T23:27:00.002-05:00

For those of you who are just dying to know, I had a prenatal appointment Wednesday. It was just for an ultrasound. They wanted to make sure the baby was getting into a head-down position, which he is. They also measured him and decided he's getting a little big. He's already between 5-51/2 pounds. The lady said we can expect him to gain at least another four pounds, so yeah, wish me luck. I had a tough time convincing the technician that I don't just sit around all day eating candy bars. I have no idea why the baby is getting so big since I have only gained about 24 pounds. We'll see what happens I guess.

An intelligent conversation?

2009-05-21T16:27:00.002-05:00

I hope nobody takes this personally. Just my general feelings.

I have plenty of friends who are very smart and have college educations. So why is it that all anyone can ever talk about is babies and the cost of groceries? I'm very interested in the world around me. I read the news every day and stay as up to date with science and technology as I possibly can, but lately I don't know why I bother. The only other person who ever has any idea what I'm talking about is my husband. Example: I call my good friend, who used to be a science teacher before starting a family, and ask what she thinks about the latest Hubble mission. Her response, "Oh, are they still using that telescope?" Don't get me wrong Jenny, I love you to death, but it's a perfect example of how we let our own lives and interests go just because we have a family.

What ever happened to having a brain and thinking for ourselves? No wonder so many women are developing Alzheimer's these days. Perhaps if we used our brains more often they would stop giving out on us. I know it sounds like I'm being a little mean, but I just miss being able to talk to my friends. I love my family too. But I was a whole person, all by myself before I got married. I shouldn't have to give up who I am. I think my thoughts and opinions should influence my children just as much as their school books do. I don't only want my family to respect me because I take care of their needs. I want them to respect that I have passion for many different things in life.

What ever happened to passion anyway? Was there only so much to go around and we used it all up? Are we just too embarrassed to express ourselves? That's what I think. I think everyone is so worried about being judged that they just lose their passion for the things they love. In the end, who really cares if you said a couple of stupid things. At least you were out there, willing to express yourself and stand up for what you think and believe.

My hope and prayer today, for all my friends and family, is that we can find the passions inside ourselves and learn to be our own independent people.

Mixed Feelings

2009-05-15T14:45:00.002-05:00

Not really sure what this has to say about my judgement, but...

This past week I asked one of my friends for a favor, not thinking it was a big deal. It wasn't until they told me they didn't feel comfortable doing it that I decided to give it a second thought. I was sort of confused for a minute because I hadn't really given it much thought, but then I realized exactly what was going on. Even though most people would think it was a small thing, it's the small things that Satan uses to lure us in. I'm really grateful that I have a friend who was able to recognize that and set me straight. If she's reading this, you know what I'm talking about, and thank you! I guess that makes me look bad, but I feel like I have learned a lot from this experience.

Discipline

2009-05-01T15:06:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I really have to sit back and realize how lucky I am to have my husband. If it wasn't for him, Phillip would probably just be a spoiled little terror. I try to be as strict with him as I can be, but I'm just not that type of Mom. Things that would drive other parents crazy don't really bother me, so I guess I don't notice when Phillip is getting out of control. Mike, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. He has very little patience and notices every tiny annoying thing. Sometimes I think Mike is being too strict with him, but I always eventually take his side. If it were up to me, I would just give Phillip cuddles and kisses all day long, and he would be an awful kid that doesn't listen. So yeah, thanks Mike!

Is this good news?

2009-04-30T12:17:00.002-05:00

Mike got a call this morning from Yakima, WA. It was for the Emergency Dispatcher job he applied for a couple of weeks ago. They want him to come to Washington and take a written test to continue his application process. I'm not sure if he's going or not, but it's something to think about.

My Sunshine, Moonlight, and Starbright

2009-04-28T10:03:00.003-05:00

This is my sunshine... he brightens my day and keeps me warm and happy.

This is my moonlight... bringing light from the darkest of nights.

And my starbright... the twinkle in my eye when I gaze toward the heavens.

I love my family so much. When I was a little younger I always thought I would be a career woman. I even started out that way for a while, but my true calling didn't take long. Heavenly Father wants me to be a wife and mother. I was complaining recently that my calling at church was very unfulfilling and I didn't understand why I wasn't good enough to do something more important. Now I know why I'm in such an insignificant calling there, so that I can focus my life towards becoming a more loving wife to my wonderful husband, and a more patient, understanding mother to my son. I really need to learn not to complain. You never know what good things are waiting for you.

Kinda weird...

2009-04-27T13:02:00.003-05:00

So, in the last 11 days I have lost over 3 1/2 pounds. I originally thought it wasn't a big deal, but now I'm not so sure. The number just keeps going up, and fast. I'm pretty sure my diet hasn't changed that much. Hopefully it's just a fluke and everything will even out this week. I have decided I'm not going to get overly paranoid unless I reach the five pound mark. This pregnancy has been a lot different from the start, and I can't freak out over every little change, right? I'm probably just over thinking. I was in way better shape when I got pregnant with Phillip but I gained over fifty pounds. This time, I was in not-so-great shape, and I've only gained twenty. In reality, I do still have eleven weeks left and anything could happen. My goal for the remainder of my pregnancy is to gain half a pound a week. That would keep me at a reasonable weight that I should be able to get rid of by the baby's six-month mark. I guess that means my other goal is not to lose any more weight, ha ha. I think it's just hard when the weather is nice because you want to be outside so bad, and there's no food out there! Alright Jamie, breathe in the blue out the red... ahhhh much better.

It's been a while, but we still exist!

2009-04-23T09:57:00.003-05:00

YES, I'm still alive!!!

In the past few days I have had a number of inquiries as to whether we dropped off the edge of the earth. I promise my family is still alive and well. I've been having a hard time sleeping lately, and since our family doesn't go to bed until four in the morning anyway, getting up early is just too hard. I honestly don't understand why everything is scheduled so early to begin with, but there must be a reason. So to answer all the questions: I'm not upset with anyone; I'm not sick; I'm not depressed or confused; I'm just tired.

All that said, we really have been doing pretty good. Once I finally feel awake for the day, around three o'clock, we try to socialize. This weather has been fantastic, so Phil has been spending a lot of time outside. It has been very rewarding to get in the sun. I feel so much more energized with the sun on my face. I like to sit back in my camping chair, close my eyes, and pretend I'm on the beach, Ahhhhhh! Perhaps I have been spending too much time in the sun since I lost half a pound this week. Really not the right time to lose weight when you are 28 1/2 weeks pregnant. But I'm not complaining.

This week I've really started to notice how hard exercise is becoming. I can still push my way through most of the activities, but it's getting really hard. Not necessarily tiring, just hard to work around my belly! The baby isn't at all amused when I bend over and he kicks me relentlessly until I stop. "Hey Mom, give me some room already!" It's kinda cute, but it makes focusing on my breathing technique a little fruitless during yoga. Isn't that half the point? Relaxation and meditation?

Some lady from the school district is coming to our house today to evaluate Phil and discuss his preschool options. I'm both excited and sad. Excited because he's making so much progress, and sad because I feel like he is just growing up so fast! I'm trying really hard to finish his one-year scrapbook before the new baby arrives, and it's like going back in time. His beautiful, innocent smile just melts my heart. He may have been a bit of a spaz for a while, but that smile... could anything be closer to heaven on earth?

My Little All-Star

2009-03-23T15:00:00.003-05:00

Phillip discovered the photo booth on the computer, so now he wants to take pictures all the time. Phillip has recently taken up an interest in playing basketball. It's so cute watching him and Mike play together.

Sick and addicted to popcorn.

2009-03-10T14:53:00.002-05:00

His first real sickness.

We have been very blessed with Phillip so far as sicknesses are concerned. This is only the fourth time he's ever been sick. The first three times were all infections though. This seems to be more of a cold. The down side to having such a healthy child is that you don't know what to do when they finally are sick. I'd like to just ride things out but I worry too much. I mean, he's obviously not too sick because he still wants to run around and play, but his cough sounds so horrible. I worry that his lungs are congested or something and the last thing I want is for him to get pneumonia. Is that over-thinking?

On a lighter note, I seem to have become addicted to popcorn and popsicles. I swear it is all I want to eat all day long. Obviously I make myself eat other things, too, but I don't really want them. I'm even eating a popsicle right now! Pregnancy makes you do silly things sometimes.

Wondering.....

2009-03-01T16:02:00.002-06:00

Do you ever just feel a little useless?

That is sort of how I have been feeling lately. I know that I must have some kind of talent or experience to share, but I don't know what it is or how to do it. I know I should be enjoying the free time I have since we will have a new baby in a few months that takes up all of my time, but I just don't feel very needed right now. Not in the "real" sense of the word anyway. I know my family enjoys me taking care of their every whim, but I've gotten in the habit of not expecting them to do anything for themselves because I feel like I need to be doing something all the time. I hear so many people talk about how busy their lives are and how they don't have any free time. I honestly don't know how that's possible. I volunteer to help with any and everything , but my calendar is always half empty and frankly so is my heart. I really want to have a purpose in life.

Perhaps my pregnancy hormones are just at it again. I know I shouldn't be complaining. Most women would love to have as much time with their families as I do. I would probably feel better if the weather wasn't always so awful and unreliable. I really enjoy outdoor activities. Unfortunately there's not a lot you can do when you have a two year old and the wind is blowing thirty miles an hour. Right now I'm sort of hoping nobody reads this entry. I don't want to sound like a pessimist. I just want... something.

A house full of boys!

2009-02-19T06:49:00.003-06:00

First off, I'd just like to say sorry nobody has been able to comment on my blog. I'm not sure why it isn't working.

Now on to more important news... we are having another BOY!!!! I am just so excited about it. I was really nervous yesterday waiting to find out. It seemed like an eternity in the waiting room. I was going over a million things in my head, and kind of freaking out a little bit. I think little girls are adorable but I don't know the first thing about them. I'm scared to death of changing their diapers. I have no clue how to play with barbies or tea sets, or any of those cute little girl toys. I know boys! I understand them and all their intrigues. It's just not as scary to me. I'm not saying I wouldn't have been happy to have a little girl and someday we probably will. But I'm just really happy that this little bundle of joy is a boy!

Also of note, I'm sure you guys have noticed I never put any pictures up on here. Sorry, it's just a journal for me. You can find tons of pictures, video, and commentary on our family website, web.mac.com/mikevandyke1

How wrong is this?

2009-02-12T07:24:00.002-06:00

I know it's misleading, but...

Okay, I had a prenatal visit yesterday and I really didn't feel like being lectured about losing two pounds. So I spent the entire day stuffing my face with everything imaginable to get myself back up to last weeks weight. I barely made it, too. I feel bad about being sneaky and sort of a liar, but I'm just sick of being lectured. It would be different if I only went once a month, but I have to hear this every single week!

I never weighed myself before I got pregnant and was perfectly happy that way. Now I find myself having to check every other day to make sure I'm not losing any more. It gets so frustrating!!!! I seriously need someone to tell me exactly what I'm doing wrong. Here's a list of what I typically eat every day, keeping in mind that I can't have any salt or processed foods, and only three ounces of meat a day.

2-3 bananas

1 large bowl grapes

1-2 grapefruits

1 apple

2-3 oranges

1 bowl fresh veggies (carrots, broccoli, tomatoes...)

1 cup unsalted peanuts and raisins

about 3 ounces of meat with a baked potato

That's a whole heck of a lot of food to me! I'm practically eating all day long and it's not cheap either. I want to make sure I have a healthy baby, and I'm really worried that it's not getting everything it needs because I keep losing weight. If anyone has a suggestion, I'm all ears.

Confused...

2009-02-10T09:09:00.002-06:00

From pig to twig?

I'm really confused about this week. I went to the YMCA this morning to weigh myself thinking I had surely gained a little bit of weight, but no. I have been eating twice as much as the past couple of weeks, and doing the same amount of exercise but somehow I have lost two pounds. So now I have to prepare myself for another lecture from my doctor tomorrow. Last time she was scolding me for only gaining three pounds and now I've lost two!!! I need some serious help figuring out what to eat to help me.

My smart boy!!!

2009-02-09T10:35:00.002-06:00

I can't believe how much he is learning!!!

Yesterday I was sitting on the couch watching television and Phillip kept trying to get my attention. I kept trying to get him to go play with his Dad. Then he just started screaming the alphabet at me. I was really surprised! He has known his letters for a while he has never said the whole thing by himself before. Then this morning we were drawing words on his little magnetic doodle pad. He likes to say the letters as I'm writing and then I tell him what it says. Well today he caught me off guard big time. I wrote C-A-T and he yells out "CAT!!!" Then he did the same thing with "ball," and "car." I'm just amazed at this recent learning spurt.

So Thankful!

2009-02-07T07:40:00.002-06:00

Thinking about life...

I'm just sitting here contemplating today. I do that a lot because I'm a big softy, but no crying today. I just feel very thankful. My husband is so wonderful to me. For the past nine months, it would be an understatement to say I have been stressing out with Phillip. Just recently I decided I needed more help. So I went to my husband, who I normally don't ask to do much, and told him I needed some serious help with Phillip. Mike immediately started taking over more and more of my responsibilities with him. Since then Phillip is going to bed without any kind of fight and behaving so much better. I'm really glad I have a husband so willing to help me. Someone's getting a special Valentine's Day!!!

When I was first put on this new diet, I was devastated. I love healthy food, but I also love plenty of other things, like chocolate. But for the past week I have felt better and had more energy than I have in a long time. I know it's because I am eating so healthy. Yesterday I was even able to get out and play tennis with Mike. I actually did really good, too. So I'm very thankful for the awesome doctors taking care of me. They are truly amazing!

I'm very thankful for the friends I have. I may not have very many of them, but the few I do have are so great! They always lend an ear when I need it and never judge me. Thank you so much!

Finally, a good appointment!

2009-02-05T08:22:00.002-06:00

I had to have one eventually!

I had another prenatal visit yesterday afternoon. I've been going one to two times a week, and usually not with pleasant results. I'm so happy to say that yesterday was much better. I still had to wait forever, and I was the last person to leave the parking lot, but everything else went well.

I've gotten used to waiting. Mike got me a new book for Christmas, so I've been reading it while I wait to see the doctor. I'm really enjoying the book, too! I don't know if any of my friends have ever heard of Emily Giffin, but she is my favorite author. I like to read mushy girly books. Anyway, yesterday I got to read for a good hour before seeing the doc.

Since about a week and a half ago I have been watching every little thing I eat. I'd be surprised if I've eaten any salt at all, ha ha. So, it was rewarding to see that my blood pressure was completely in the normal range. It was 119/72. My doctor was really impressed, too. She couldn't believe how quickly I was able to get it down. I still have to come back next week and the week after that. They still want to keep a close eye on me and make sure everything stays normal.

My blood test results for my kidneys came back normal, too. I was incredibly relieved to hear that! I have been worrying myself to death about it.

The only thing the doctor had to say that was negative was concerning my weight. I've still only gained between two and three pounds. I honestly don't know what they expect from me though. With the diet I am on, I would have to eat all day long to gain any weight. I still have a life! I'm just not going to stress out about it. It's not like I was skinny when I got pregnant, so if I only gain fifteen pounds or so, I don't think it will be a big deal.

Tears of Progress

2009-02-03T09:30:00.002-06:00

Some things will always make you cry.

The past year of Phil's life has been very difficult for us. We noticed around eighteen months that he wasn't developing mentally as quickly as other children. He had an unusually unhappy disposition and no desire to interact with us most of the time. I always blamed myself. But as it turns out Phillip is just different. He won't say words he doesn't understand, and he doesn't do activities unless he's confident he can succeed. Physically, Phil far exceeds a majority of children his age. His balance and coordination are incredible!

In October we contacted the Russell Child Development Center. They have been so great at helping us find activities and ways to interact with him to build his confidence. I didn't realize how much progress he had made until just this past week. I see him talking and playing with his Dad, and it just brings tears to my eyes. His communication skills have improved a hundred fold. I've also noticed how much happier he seems. I was convinced Phillip didn't like us. I thought I was just a terrible mother because he was always so mad, but now I understand that he just needed more time.

I'm so proud of my son, for everything we've put him through, and for his desire to do better.

Pregnancy Stuff

2009-02-02T08:59:00.002-06:00

I like to think sometimes that I am invincible. I get it into my head that I am too busy for being sick or having problems of any kind, and every once in a while that comes back to bite me in the bum! This pregnancy, in and of itself, is a true blessing in my life. I am so happy to be adding a new member to our family! But pregnancy isn't just nine months of harvesting a baby. I tend to forget how fragile our bodies are, and what a strain it can be. After being told by my doctor that if I don't do exactly what they say, I'll end up on bed rest for the last half of my pregnancy, the fragility of the situation has realistically set in.

I have been put on a lot of restrictions, but to be honest, they are all things I should probably be doing anyway. My diet is very restricted. I can have fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, and lean cuts of meat as long as they aren't seasoned with any kind of salt. I can only drink water, and at least three 36 oz. bottles of it a day. That filtered pitcher Mike got me for Christmas is suddenly seeming like an ever better gift, ha ha. I am supposed to get at least thirty minutes of mild cardio exercise every day, no exceptions. I'm actually very grateful for that ultimatum since now I can feel guilt-free for leaving Mike to put Phillip to bed every night.

Thank God for tiny blessings!

I've also been instructed to buy my own blood pressure monitor and keep a daily record of my BP during morning, noon, and evening. I bet I can predict when it's highest! So we are ordering one and it will be here this week. Until then, I'm going to Wal-Mart to check it, so I'm only going once a day. The highest we have gotten to is 151/85, but that only lasted about an hour and then it went back down.

In general I feel fine. The symptoms I have aren't bad enough to alter my daily activities by any means. Every once in a while I get a little dizzy or light-headed due to a low blood count, but it goes away when I sit down and have a snack so it's not really a big deal. Everyone has been really kind to help me out with my appointments. If Karen reads this, "You are the best for watching Phillip, thank you so much." And thank you to every one else for their help and support. I've been pretty whiny the last couple of weeks and I promise I'll stop. I don't want to chase any of my friends away!

Our Story

2009-01-30T07:40:00.007-06:00

The story of how we came to be a family.

Despite the fact that seeing my husband today triggers a feeling of love and warmth, I can hardly call our first meeting "love at first sight." It was an unusually hot spring day, and I was on my way to do laundry at the barracks laundry room. Due to an extreme sunburn I had suffered two weeks prior, I was wearing a very light and comfortable sun dress. Usually I would do my laundry in whatever Army workout clothes I had left over, but perhaps that day may never had come if I had looked like a sunburn in uniform. So I was just strolling across the lawn with my basket when I heard a rather handsome voice say, "What are you doing all dressed up?" When I turned around, there he was. The man who would one day become the love of my life. I answered, "Nothing," and continued on my way. To my surprise the handsome fella followed me into the laundry room. We started talking, a.k.a. flirting, and decided to watch a movie together later.

For the next few months we just hung out like normal friends. It always seemed like more but we had never said anything to each other about it. Then one day when Mike came over to my barracks room he told me he didn't want me to see any other guys. I was so happy. I never thought he was that into me. We were very different people at that time, and I thought I was too much of a goody two shoe for him. That proved to be one of the many times I was wrong about him. We continued dating for another few months, and it soon became time for us to take our first road trip together. A baseball game in Atlanta seemed the perfect getaway.

I was really nervous about the whole trip. We had never spent that long of a time together and I desperately wanted to impress him by how mature and fun I was. That persona was immediately thrashed when thirty minutes into our trip we realized I had forgotten the tickets at home. Way to go Jamie. Little did I know then how treasured of a memory my silly mishap would become.

Our arrival in Atlanta was followed by another "Jamie blunder." We had decided to stop at the mall so Mike could look for some swim trunks. We didn't find anything so we headed back to the car. I sat down and decided to take a drink of my soda. Big mistake, as soon as I opened it, the soda exploded all over me. So, of course I got to arrive at our luxury hotel covered in soda. I tried to cover it up as best I could, but I'm sure everyone got see my incredibly handsome boyfriend with his less than admirable, sticky gal. At least the rest of the trip was great.

The baseball game itself was somewhat disappointing. We really wanted the braves to lose! After the game was over we walked back to the car and decided it was best to wait a while for traffic to clear up. We were standing beside the car, "snuggle-hugging" in the cold when I heard something I never thought would come from Mike's mouth. Especially after being such a clumsy, forgetful dodo. He said, "I don't know if I'm ever going to get married, but if I do it will be to you." For some that may not seem very romantic, but for my manly man it was. I think that is the very moment I truly fell in love with him.

We dated for about another year before getting married. Most women dream of a big fancy wedding with just the right dress, and hundreds of eyes gazing upon them. I guess I'm a little different. Who needs all that attention? I think marriage is a special moment that should be shared sacredly with your loved one. Luckily Mike and I were on the same page. We woke up one day, bought our rings, and just headed to the justice of the peace. I remember that it was raining outside. I've always heard that if it rains on a special day then it will bring good fortune.

So far, that's been true.

Not much later came our wonderful son. If anything will test a marriage, it's the arrival of your first baby followed by three cross-country moves in two years. But still, here we are. I still believe that Mike is the best thing to ever happen to me, and I can't imagine life without him. Sometimes I feel like I didn't do anything to deserve the wonderful life I have, and it just gets better all the time. I thank my Heavenly Father for all the blessings in my life and for the new blessing coming this summer.

Prenatal Visit

2009-01-29T07:18:00.003-06:00

If you're interested in my pity party read on.

Well, I had a prenatal visit yesterday afternoon. I never expect to have a particularly good time there, but I wasn't prepared for what happened. After the inevitable thirty minutes past my appointment time, I get called back to take my vitals. Temperature: normal, Weight: normal, Blood Pressure: High normal. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. My blood pressure was high last time, and it has been for the past three or four weeks. 139/80-ish may be a little high, but it's still in the normal range. Apparently this was cause for me to spend an hour waiting isolated in a room so they could retake it. And guess what? Nothing changed, thanks for wasting my time!

Next comes time to check the baby's heartbeat. Finally something relaxing, right? Think again. It took the nurse ten minutes to find my baby's heartbeat! Do they really think that is supposed to help with my blood pressure? She finally finds it and it was about 156. Three weeks ago it was 175, so it's nice to see that it finally came down a little bit.

After all the poking around in my personal life, it was time for a lecture. "Don't eat any processed food, no salt, no soda or tea, bla bla bla. All fresh fruits and vegetables for you. Oh, and come in Friday morning so we can check your kidney function." What? Seriously? Why do they need to do this? So basically they want to lower my blood pressure by not letting me eat any of the foods I love and worrying me to death about my kidneys!

So I left the doctor's office almost in tears because I can't believe how horrible it was. At least they scheduled my ultrasound for three weeks from now. We hope to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl. I'm really excited and I desperately hope this next appointment goes much better.

My First Post

2009-01-27T09:54:00.004-06:00

Okay, so I have myspace, facebook, and my own website; Why not a blog as well? I guess I decided to start this blog so that I can have something personal. Sometimes I feel like everything in my life is about someone else. I'm sure other mothers can relate. We never get to just focus on ourselves. So this is my chance.

I've been a little pessimistic lately. It's not something I'm proud of since I'm normally a very outgoing happy person. But I just can't help but feel out of place here. I really don't think I fit in well in Garden City. I haven't made very many friends, and the few I have are so busy it probably doesn't count. I miss Washington a lot. I had a ton of friends there and always had someone to talk to or hang out with. It's just a little disheartening I guess.

The plus side of not having any friends or things to do is that it has been good for our budget! I don't think we've ever been this disciplined before. That should be really good in the long run when we move again. I'm just hoping the long run actually turns out to be the short run. I want to move before our new baby is born. Mike's been waiting on a DoD job for a while and we hope we are getting close.

Am I just a hormonal pregnant woman ranting about things that won't matter tomorrow? Probably, but I need to get it all out. Phillip has been stressing me out a lot as well. I love him to death but I don't even think it's possible for him to be any more difficult. Some nights I just go to bed in tears because I feel like such a failure to him. I sit back wondering where I have gone wrong and what I can do to make it all change. Mike is always telling me it's not my fault and that he is just a difficult child, but it doesn't make me feel any better. All the other children I know that are his age have been past this stage for a long time. But we are still here... just waiting for Heavenly Father to grant us a break.

And on top of it all I have my husband, the sunshine on my darkest days. He is so wonderful to me and I wish I could make our lives easier for him. I wish I could show him the wife and mother that I want so hard to be. I try every day but in the end I just never make it. How do I make things better? How am I supposed to show my family how much I love them when I can't ever seem to get it all together? Is there someone out there who has all the answers?