Where would you go?

Maybe it's the impending new arrival, or possibly my stress levels with Phillip, but lately all I can think of is going on a vacation. We've only ever taken two real vacations. When I was five months pregnant with Phillip, Mike and I flew to Washington for a couple of weeks. That was the first time I had ever met his family. Then we spent our first anniversary in Las Vegas. Both were more fun than I could imagine. Since then, we have moved all over the country for new jobs that don't offer vacation for a year.

I'd love to be able to go somewhere for Mike's and my anniversary this November. I know we won't be able to afford anything too extravagant, but something as simple as going to a football game and spending a few days in the city would really be nice. It's such a different experience being with your spouse away from kids and work. It makes me feel the kind of enthusiasm for life that we had before "settling down." I honestly didn't anticipate so much stress coming along with having a family. I guess I'm just naive that way. I always expect things to work out perfectly... they never do!

So I'm just curious... where would you go?

Time is running out!!!!

Only six more weeks!!!

I woke up today feeling especially refreshed. I got almost eleven hours of sleep, and woke up to sweet little kisses from my three year old; Phillip is always the one to come get me up in the morning. Then I started thinking... in only six short weeks I am going to be starting all over again. Am I really ready for the challenges of having a second child? Phillip was the hardest baby. He cried about 10-15 hours a day, never slept, and I ended up with sleep paralysis. Even now, at three years old, he can be more than a handful.

I also feel like for the first time since Phillip was born, I'm finally starting to have more quality time with Mike. We usually get between three and four hours to ourselves every night after Phillip goes to bed, and it is just so nice. I know I'm being selfish for not wanting to give that up when the new baby is born. I just love the time we have had recently and I wish there was some way I didn't have to make the sacrifice.

Then there are my ever-prevalent fears of not being a good mother once I have two children. If I can so easily see my short-comings now, just with Phil, how guilty am I going to feel later? I know I will have to give up some of my hobbies for a while. There are plenty of things I can do to be a better mother. Like not coddling the children all the time like they're going to disappear. I'm pretty bad about thinking Phillip needs me all the time. I definitely will have to get out of that habit.

All that aside, I really am excited to meet our new little boy. I do hope he will be an easier an happier child than Phil has been, but only time will tell. Heavenly Father knows me, and He knows what our family can/can't handle. I just hope His plan for me includes a healthy baby who smiles and sleeps.

About the baby

For those of you who are just dying to know, I had a prenatal appointment Wednesday. It was just for an ultrasound. They wanted to make sure the baby was getting into a head-down position, which he is. They also measured him and decided he's getting a little big. He's already between 5-51/2 pounds. The lady said we can expect him to gain at least another four pounds, so yeah, wish me luck. I had a tough time convincing the technician that I don't just sit around all day eating candy bars. I have no idea why the baby is getting so big since I have only gained about 24 pounds. We'll see what happens I guess.

An intelligent conversation?

I hope nobody takes this personally. Just my general feelings.

I have plenty of friends who are very smart and have college educations. So why is it that all anyone can ever talk about is babies and the cost of groceries? I'm very interested in the world around me. I read the news every day and stay as up to date with science and technology as I possibly can, but lately I don't know why I bother. The only other person who ever has any idea what I'm talking about is my husband. Example: I call my good friend, who used to be a science teacher before starting a family, and ask what she thinks about the latest Hubble mission. Her response, "Oh, are they still using that telescope?" Don't get me wrong Jenny, I love you to death, but it's a perfect example of how we let our own lives and interests go just because we have a family.

What ever happened to having a brain and thinking for ourselves? No wonder so many women are developing Alzheimer's these days. Perhaps if we used our brains more often they would stop giving out on us. I know it sounds like I'm being a little mean, but I just miss being able to talk to my friends. I love my family too. But I was a whole person, all by myself before I got married. I shouldn't have to give up who I am. I think my thoughts and opinions should influence my children just as much as their school books do. I don't only want my family to respect me because I take care of their needs. I want them to respect that I have passion for many different things in life.

What ever happened to passion anyway? Was there only so much to go around and we used it all up? Are we just too embarrassed to express ourselves? That's what I think. I think everyone is so worried about being judged that they just lose their passion for the things they love. In the end, who really cares if you said a couple of stupid things. At least you were out there, willing to express yourself and stand up for what you think and believe.

My hope and prayer today, for all my friends and family, is that we can find the passions inside ourselves and learn to be our own independent people.

Mixed Feelings

Not really sure what this has to say about my judgement, but...

This past week I asked one of my friends for a favor, not thinking it was a big deal. It wasn't until they told me they didn't feel comfortable doing it that I decided to give it a second thought. I was sort of confused for a minute because I hadn't really given it much thought, but then I realized exactly what was going on. Even though most people would think it was a small thing, it's the small things that Satan uses to lure us in. I'm really grateful that I have a friend who was able to recognize that and set me straight. If she's reading this, you know what I'm talking about, and thank you! I guess that makes me look bad, but I feel like I have learned a lot from this experience.

Discipline

Sometimes I really have to sit back and realize how lucky I am to have my husband. If it wasn't for him, Phillip would probably just be a spoiled little terror. I try to be as strict with him as I can be, but I'm just not that type of Mom. Things that would drive other parents crazy don't really bother me, so I guess I don't notice when Phillip is getting out of control. Mike, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. He has very little patience and notices every tiny annoying thing. Sometimes I think Mike is being too strict with him, but I always eventually take his side. If it were up to me, I would just give Phillip cuddles and kisses all day long, and he would be an awful kid that doesn't listen. So yeah, thanks Mike!

Is this good news?

Mike got a call this morning from Yakima, WA. It was for the Emergency Dispatcher job he applied for a couple of weeks ago. They want him to come to Washington and take a written test to continue his application process. I'm not sure if he's going or not, but it's something to think about.

My Sunshine, Moonlight, and Starbright

This is my sunshine... he brightens my day and keeps me warm and happy.

This is my moonlight... bringing light from the darkest of nights.

And my starbright... the twinkle in my eye when I gaze toward the heavens.

I love my family so much. When I was a little younger I always thought I would be a career woman. I even started out that way for a while, but my true calling didn't take long. Heavenly Father wants me to be a wife and mother. I was complaining recently that my calling at church was very unfulfilling and I didn't understand why I wasn't good enough to do something more important. Now I know why I'm in such an insignificant calling there, so that I can focus my life towards becoming a more loving wife to my wonderful husband, and a more patient, understanding mother to my son. I really need to learn not to complain. You never know what good things are waiting for you.

Kinda weird...

So, in the last 11 days I have lost over 3 1/2 pounds. I originally thought it wasn't a big deal, but now I'm not so sure. The number just keeps going up, and fast. I'm pretty sure my diet hasn't changed that much. Hopefully it's just a fluke and everything will even out this week. I have decided I'm not going to get overly paranoid unless I reach the five pound mark. This pregnancy has been a lot different from the start, and I can't freak out over every little change, right? I'm probably just over thinking. I was in way better shape when I got pregnant with Phillip but I gained over fifty pounds. This time, I was in not-so-great shape, and I've only gained twenty. In reality, I do still have eleven weeks left and anything could happen. My goal for the remainder of my pregnancy is to gain half a pound a week. That would keep me at a reasonable weight that I should be able to get rid of by the baby's six-month mark. I guess that means my other goal is not to lose any more weight, ha ha. I think it's just hard when the weather is nice because you want to be outside so bad, and there's no food out there! Alright Jamie, breathe in the blue out the red... ahhhh much better.

It's been a while, but we still exist!

YES, I'm still alive!!!

In the past few days I have had a number of inquiries as to whether we dropped off the edge of the earth. I promise my family is still alive and well. I've been having a hard time sleeping lately, and since our family doesn't go to bed until four in the morning anyway, getting up early is just too hard. I honestly don't understand why everything is scheduled so early to begin with, but there must be a reason. So to answer all the questions: I'm not upset with anyone; I'm not sick; I'm not depressed or confused; I'm just tired.

All that said, we really have been doing pretty good. Once I finally feel awake for the day, around three o'clock, we try to socialize. This weather has been fantastic, so Phil has been spending a lot of time outside. It has been very rewarding to get in the sun. I feel so much more energized with the sun on my face. I like to sit back in my camping chair, close my eyes, and pretend I'm on the beach, Ahhhhhh! Perhaps I have been spending too much time in the sun since I lost half a pound this week. Really not the right time to lose weight when you are 28 1/2 weeks pregnant. But I'm not complaining.

This week I've really started to notice how hard exercise is becoming. I can still push my way through most of the activities, but it's getting really hard. Not necessarily tiring, just hard to work around my belly! The baby isn't at all amused when I bend over and he kicks me relentlessly until I stop. "Hey Mom, give me some room already!" It's kinda cute, but it makes focusing on my breathing technique a little fruitless during yoga. Isn't that half the point? Relaxation and meditation?

Some lady from the school district is coming to our house today to evaluate Phil and discuss his preschool options. I'm both excited and sad. Excited because he's making so much progress, and sad because I feel like he is just growing up so fast! I'm trying really hard to finish his one-year scrapbook before the new baby arrives, and it's like going back in time. His beautiful, innocent smile just melts my heart. He may have been a bit of a spaz for a while, but that smile... could anything be closer to heaven on earth?