My First Post

Okay, so I have myspace, facebook, and my own website; Why not a blog as well? I guess I decided to start this blog so that I can have something personal. Sometimes I feel like everything in my life is about someone else. I'm sure other mothers can relate. We never get to just focus on ourselves. So this is my chance. 

I've been a little pessimistic lately. It's not something I'm proud of since I'm normally a very outgoing happy person. But I just can't help but feel out of place here. I really don't think I fit in well in Garden City. I haven't made very many friends, and the few I have are so busy it probably doesn't count. I miss Washington a lot. I had a ton of friends there and always had someone to talk to or hang out with. It's just a little disheartening I guess. 

The plus side of not having any friends or things to do is that it has been good for our budget! I don't think we've ever been this disciplined before. That should be really good in the long run when we move again. I'm just hoping the long run actually turns out to be the short run. I want to move before our new baby is born. Mike's been waiting on a DoD job for a while and we hope we are getting close. 

Am I just a hormonal pregnant woman ranting about things that won't matter tomorrow? Probably, but I need to get it all out. Phillip has been stressing me out a lot as well. I love him to death but I don't even think it's possible for him to be any more difficult. Some nights I just go to bed in tears because I feel like such a failure to him. I sit back wondering where I have gone wrong and what I can do to make it all change. Mike is always telling me it's not my fault and that he is just a difficult child, but it doesn't make me feel any better. All the other children I know that are his age have been past this stage for a long time. But we are still here... just waiting for Heavenly Father to grant us a break. 

And on top of it all I have my husband, the sunshine on my darkest days. He is so wonderful to me and I wish I could make our lives easier for him. I wish I could show him the wife and mother that I want so hard to be. I try every day but in the end I just never make it. How do I make things better? How am I supposed to show my family how much I love them when I can't ever seem to get it all together? Is there someone out there who has all the answers?