Two months plus

That's how long it has been? Really? Well, I'm officially a crappy blogger. For those of you who know me well, I'm sure you pretty much expect not to hear from me during the holiday season. Sorry!!!

On to happy news. Mike only has seven days of work left. It seems so surreal. We have been praying for this day for a very long time now. On January 10th, we will officially be college students. I've heard a lot of criticism and gotten plenty of weird looks. People think we're nuts for quitting a good, steady job in an economy like this, and maybe we are. But we're also desperate for some normalcy. We're tired of the stress that comes with being in the Air Traffic business. We want to spend holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries together. We want to go on family vacations. We want the time, not the money. We have actually been preparing for this for a while. We paid off our car this past February, cut out all our nonessential expenses, and have been practicing better spending habits. It was a tough choice and definitely not one that was taken lightly. So we would ask our friends and family to bear with us during this transitional time and know that this is what the Lord has been preparing us for.

In other news, our boys are growing sooo fast! They're both so smart and I just love them to pieces. Phillip has been improving exponentially in both his behavior and studies. It's so easy to get caught up in the trials of the moment, but when I look back, he really has turned into an amazing little boy. He is so smart and spunky, and he makes me laugh until my cheeks hurt. His favorite thing in the world right now is Thomas the Tank Engine. That's another post entirely, though. Danny is the silliest little thing. He loves the alphabet like nothing you've ever seen. He knows all but a couple of letters, plus a few random shapes, colors and numbers. He chases Phillip all over our house and screams like a banshee. He is one of only a few true loves in my life.

Last week the kids went to their very first day of daycare. It was only a half day. We want them to go a couple of times before school starts so it isn't too much of a shock for them. Phillip loved it, but Danny was a little sad the whole time. I can't say I blame him. I've been coddling him for 18 months, I can't really expect him to take this very well. I'm hoping that him being in the nursery at church now will have some advantages, and get him used to being away from me.

Well, I know this was a bit of a lack luster update, but I'll be posting more soon. Stay safe this New Years!!!

Shirts

I haven't had very good luck the past couple of days. Something snagged my favorite shirt in the washing machine and left about ten different holes all over it, and today I spilled cherry crystal light all over my favorite white shirt. I'm wondering if this is some sort of sign that I need to stop caring so much about my clothes.

Setting Goals

I sure do feel refreshed today. I got lots of sleep last night. The kiddos are being good, a.k.a eating popcorn and watching Thomas and Friends. It feels like it's going to be a good day! So I think I'm going to take this little smidge of free time to set a few goals for myself.

Goal 1:    Get the storage room completely cleaned and organized by Thanksgiving. It's a pretty tall order, but I really need to get it done.

Goal 2:     Lose weight without pushing myself too hard. I have a tendency to get upset with myself when my weight loss isn't progressing, so I need to learn to just do my best and not worry so much.

Goal 3:     Be a better housekeeper.

Goal 4:     Make sure I always have special time at the end of every day to do something fun with Mike.

These may seem like silly goals, but I think they will make a huge difference for me. I will feel a lot better knowing I am working towards something important. I haven't decided if I'm going to reward myself with anything once I reach my goals. Maybe I can get a new dress or something after a few months.

Refusing to be Overwhelmed

For some weird reason I've been letting myself get overwhelmed lately. It's not normally like me to take on more than I can handle. I even keep a "Simplify" sign in my dining room to remind me to keep things in life simple and easy. But lately I've just wanted to do a lot. I don't know who I've been trying to impress. I thought digging deeper into the craft world would open up more friendship opportunities, but so far it hasn't. It's really just been me spending a lot of time on crafts that few others care much about. So I'm thinking I'm going to cut my crafts in half to have more time just for me and the kiddos.

I started selling crayon rolls a while back. I just wanted to make a few extra bucks since I was starting a craft blog. I figured it would give me some of my own money to buy supplies and not have to spend all of Mike's money on my silly experiments. I didn't at all realize how popular the idea would become and I quickly got rushed with tons of orders. I made plenty of money but it was stressful trying to get everything done in time. So from now on I'm not taking any custom orders, just selling whatever I have on hand. Much more simple!

I need to get my mind straight and just spend more time with my boys. Phil hasn't been doing nearly enough math. I need to focus more on his home pre-schooling and less on making sure every cabinet in the kitchen is perfectly organized. Sometimes I let my OCD habits gets the better of me. No Jamie, you do not need to vacuum under the couches every day.

Danny is such a sweet and easy boy that I sometimes forget I need to be spending special time with him, too. He deserves a lot more attention than he has been getting. I make plenty of excuses but at the end of the day, I just need to simplify my life and get back to the basics of being a strong loving family.

I've probably been rambling on today about a lot of nonsense. Don't worry, that's just my brain switching back to simple mode.

My boys

Here's a few fun pictures from the past week!

Glasses

The other day Phil came running up to me in his Daddy's glasses. He kept saying how he could see everything clear. Being the overly paranoid Mommy I am, I immediately called Mike at work and told him to set up an appointment with the eye doctor. When Mike got home that night, we found an online "check you vision" chart from the DMV and tested Phil. No matter what we tried, Phil couldn't read the bottom line of the letters. He got so upset about it at one point that he just broke down in tears. It was heartbreaking. So, we set up an appointment with an eye doctor a couple of days ago and it turns out that Phil is a little farsighted. We ordered him some glasses and they will be here in two weeks. Mike said he did really good at his appointment.

Unconditional Love?

As I was sitting in my living room today, I started thinking about love. I know that I love my family. I know that I love the Lord. I say that I love chocolate. But what is it really, and what does it mean to love unconditionally?

 I've been known to say in the past that we should all love each other unconditionally and not judge. But after this week I can't help but wonder if by judging others, are we starting the process of learning to love them? It know that sounds crazy, and like the complete opposite of love. But in retrospect, some of the most important lessons I have learned have come from the mistakes and bad judgements I have made. As a teenager I always judged my parents for their mistakes. Now I can't help but look back fondly on the trials we went through as a family and the lessons they taught me, whether inadvertently or not. For example, my mother has always been terrible with finances. She is a shopaholic and will pay for anything with a check whether she has money or not. This caused a lot of problems in her marriage to my stepdad. At that time, I hated her for being so selfish and putting our family in such a terrible position. Now I can see that her spending is linked to emotional and mental distress, and perhaps I am grateful she chose that option over something else. She could have chosen to be an alcoholic or to beat her children. But instead she chose shopping. I'm very grateful for what she taught me, even though she doesn't know it. Through that experience I have learned a couple of things; 1.) To be honest with my husband and share our financial goals together. No secret spending, and 2.) There are ways to channel your distress. I judged her and now I love her for those same judgements. Connection?

I'm not perfect, that's for sure. There have been times when I didn't love my family unconditionally. I feel terrible for that, but it's necessary to be honest with yourself in order to move forward. When Phillip was a baby, I wasn't always fond of him. He cried all the time. He slept only a couple of hours a day. I was suffering from sleep paralysis due to this. In addition to Phil, Mike was working very odd hours. So it just happened that the few hours I could manage to get Phillip to sleep were also Mike's hours at home awake. I felt obligated to stay up and spend time with Mike even though this might be my only opportunity to sleep. It didn't take long for me to start resenting both of them for it. I was never mean to them. I never yelled or swore or did anything physically. But inside, all of my loving feelings toward my family were temporarily gone. When I looked at my baby I didn't want to smile or cuddle him. I just wanted him to disappear for a few hours so I could sleep. I lost 54 pounds in five months, was severely depressed. Then miraculously at ten months old, Phil started sleeping. I remember waking up at about seven in the morning and bolting to his room afraid that he was dead. But there he lay, asleep in his crib. My guilt started setting in for how I had been feeling. All the love I had secretly been neglecting my family of rushed back to me. I learned that I could very easily have communicated with my husband my needs, and made most of my problems go away. After talking to him, I realized that I had been judging him harshly. He wasn't the reason I wasn't sleeping, I was. I started communicating my needs with him and our marriage has grown rapidly and positively ever since. I no longer hide my feelings and take on every obligation by myself. Being a mother hasn't gotten a lot easier, but loving my family unconditionally has.

I hope I haven't rambled too much today. Just wanted to share some things I was feeling.

A Selfish Mommy

I've decided to start making Phil have quiet time in his room during Danny's first nap. I feel like I'm being a little selfish, but Phil hasn't napped since he was 18 months old and I really need a break. Normally we do a craft together or some preschool during this time. I guess I will just squeeze that time in somewhere else. What am I going to do with this newly found free time you ask? Absolutely nothing. I'm going to relax, read my news stories on the computer, maybe even shower. Who knows?! My home is my playground!

Feeling good about life.

I posted a couple of entries yesterday about a silly trial I was going through. I feel a million times better today. I'm not a writer so my posts don't always reflect exactly how I feel. I want to change that. I want my readers to know exactly how I'm feeling and not have to guess what I mean. Today I feel inspired, supported, loved, and accepted. The future is bright and full of opportunity. Some great friendship possibilities have come to pass from yesterday's glum. A blessing in disguise really.

Isn't it amazing how someone can be right in front of you, and it takes a miracle to notice them? It shouldn't surprise me because I have had this sort of thing happen before. Sometimes it's the people you least suspect that change your life in the biggest ways. Sometimes it's people you don't even know who change your life.

When I was in Mexico, I was helping carry food, clothing and other supplies to a nearby community. I was only thirteen at the time and a young women's group from Mesa, AR was staying with us for a project. I had never really looked forward to this sort of thing in the past. I had yet to learn how to truly love people just because they are God's children. I always just waited in the van before. I felt sorry for them, which is why I helped but I didn't care about them. I didn't think about them after we left or wonder where their food would be coming from the rest of the month. But this time, one of the girls from Mesa asked me to come and help her. I got out and walked around the van and there she was playing soccer with one of the children She said they needed a goalie. I didn't really want to, but I did it anyway and my life has never been the same since. Something changed in me that day. I saw children who have nothing more than a ragged shirt on their backs as the happiest little kids in the world. I saw parents struggling to provide a shelter for them. They built their "homes" out of whatever materials could be found while walking around the streets. Sometimes it was plastic wrap and cinderblocks. Sometimes cardboard. The lucky families had leftover building materials from abandoned construction along the beach. But I didn't pity them anymore. I respected them. These families had nothing, yet everything. They were happy, kind, and loving. Every time I came back after that, I always made a point to play with the children. To care for whatever needs they had. It was no longer an obligation. I wanted to be there even more than I wanted to be with my friends or family. Leaving Mexico permanently and heading back to Alabama was painful. I miss it to this day. I miss the place who made me the person I am today. I miss the people, the culture, the food. I miss it all.

Time to Reflect

There are times in our lives when we are forced to reflect back upon our pasts. Some of us have very good ones, some of us have very bad ones. Some people have led somewhat boring lives while others have led very interesting and unique lives. I was accused today of being inconsistent in my stories and pretty much called a liar by people who don't know anything about me and the life I have led. I was very hurt and disappointed at first. I couldn't imagine why anyone would ever possibly think that about me. My bitterness is now gone. I think I realize that my past is just too amazing for some people to believe. I have accomplished so much in my short time on this earth. I've lost friends and family members and learned to grieve quickly. I've served in the military and won many different awards for being a great soldier. I've spent time as an air traffic controller and although ultimately decided it wasn't the career for me, it was still an amazing accomplishment. I've traveled all over and learned to embrace diversity. Although I have lost one baby, I've managed to mother two wonderful sons, who while they both have had their own issues, are amazing and everything to me. I've been one of the lucky few who married their best friend and get to enjoy every second of our marriage together. I've spent a good deal of time in Mexico and learned great lessons on understanding and unconditional love. I've seen poverty and cried for the children who have nothing. My life is amazing. I don't regret a second of it, and I guess I can't really blame people for not believing me. I'm not the kind of person who judges other people. I love everyone I meet and have a huge desire for people to like me. Heck, I even want the Taliban to like me. But that isn't the road life takes us on. Heavenly Father sends us trials sometimes that can shred the very faith that holds our lives together. But perseverance, unconditional love, understanding, and forgiveness is the only way to ever make it through.

Very Upsetting

A couple of days ago I sent out an email to some of my friends asking if they would like to do a babysitting swap this week so Mike and I could go to dinner. Today, one of the ladies emailed me back, basically saying she thought I was a bad person, a liar, and she didn't trust me. I was very shocked and offended, especially because she has only ever met me about 5 times, maybe. And that was only during scrap booking meetings. I really don't know how I am supposed to feel or react. I've always known that people from this part of the country tend to be more judgmental, but I had never experienced it before today. I'm going to assume that the Lord wants me to learn something from this situation. I don't know what it is yet, maybe forgiveness and understanding. I'm definitely not feeling that way right now, I have a long way to go before I can reach forgiveness for sure!

We all go through trials I guess. I know so many people who have much harder challenges in their lives. They have found a way to live happily and accept their trials so I can do that, too. Thank you to everyone who has sent me messages of encouragement and inspiration. You all mean so much to me and I am very grateful.

Make me accountable!

I'm just a little tired of being overweight. I need my friends and family to join me in my effort to lose these extra pounds for good. I added a ticker so everyone can see my weight loss. I seriously need some motivation! Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Superwoman?

Gosh, today was a crazy busy day. I don't think I've been this productive for a long time. Here's what all I did. Scrubbed my kitchen from top to bottom, cleaned all the floors, an hour of home preschool, three loads of laundry, cleaned the living room furniture, cooked three meals, vacuumed my stairs, cleaned all the bedrooms, worked out... all while taking care of my boys. Of course that's on top of two baby meltdowns and my four year old tipping his dresser over and smashing the top drawer to pieces. (He has had it for an entire day, what did I expect?) Lets hope tomorrow is a little less crazy.

Bitter Sweet

So my best friend here in Idaho Falls is leaving tonight to move back to Vermont. I'm so sad that she is leaving. It took me a very long time to make a good friend here. I have very much enjoyed getting to know her over the past 6 months. I really hope we can stay in touch and maintain our friendship! That said, it has been kind of awesome getting to pilfer through her stuff. She is only taking what fits in her car with her, so I've acquired some pretty cool things for my house. Some of them you might even see repurposed on my craft blog in the next few weeks, exciting!!!

Mike and the kids, and I have been doing pretty great. We're still trying to get everything in order for him to quit his job in a few months. I'm getting a teeny tiny bit nervous about it, but I KNOW this is God's plan for us. When things aren't working out in one way, He always provides us with the guidance and courage to take the next step. We are so blessed!

I'm still not sure if Phil will be starting preschool or not. Besides the fact that the school is driving me crazy wanting to set up eight million evaluations, we also don't know whether we will be going to school in Idaho Falls or Pocatello. If we go to Pocatello, it might make preschool a non-option. Not that he NEEDS it anyway, I just thought he would enjoy the interaction. Oh well.

So fun!

Well, Mike and I had a great time on our date, and the food was amazing. Now we're hanging out at home and he's playing Dead Rising2 while I waste time on the computer. Feel free to stop by The Picky Eater and check out my review of Buddy's Italian Restaurant.

Date Night

It feels amazing to be having a date tonight with Mike. Lately we only go out with the kids, and it just isn't the same. I can't complain about going out with the kids, though. They have actually been pretty well behaved. I just miss the in depth conversations you don't get to have around little ones. We're going to this new Italian restaurant in town, called "Buddy's Italian Restaurant." I hope it's yummy. Mike is still boycotting Olive Garden, and he says the description of Johnny Carinos is really weird, (southern italian cooking). So this is kind of like my last chance to find a nice sit down Italian place here. I'll post a review on my other blog, here.

Alrighty then, time to get off my lazy bum, clean my house and shower. I hope everyone is having a great week so far!

More pictures!!!

Summer Pictures

Here's a slew of pics from this summer, more to          come.

 

Ugh

Some days are definitely better than others. Right now I don't feel very cheery or happy. I don't want to be stressed out anymore. I don't want to have to worry about other people being stressed out anymore. I just want peace and quiet.

Summer

Well, Summer will be over soon in Idaho. It's kind of hard to believe. I really have no idea where all our time has gone. We didn't do very much this year. I took the kids to the park as much as I could and tried to get some home projects completed. We took a day trip down to Bear Lake, and I got to see my best friend, Candace. I met a wonderful group of ladies to scrapbook with. They are so great! Some of them are in the book club I joined as well. We have read a couple of really great books so far. I can't wait to crack open the next one. I've been spending a lot of my spare time crafting. It's the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes. Phillip went in for a preschool evaluation three weeks ago. I was expecting to hear from them within a few days, boy was I wrong. Still no word. It's kind of frustrating, but if they don't want him to attend their school then that's their loss. He is a smart, amazing, talented child who would be a beacon in that place.

Mike and I have made the bold, daring decision to quit the workforce and go back to school full time. The timeline is sketchy, but hopefully soon. It's kind of scary because there are a lot of changes that will be happening. I've never put my babies in childcare before. I never even thought it would ever be a possibility. I love them so much, and I love being at home with them, but ultimately this is the best decision for all of us. We both want to pursue a degree in Human Resources. What a change, right?!

I had surgery on my foot in July. It kind of sucked, but my Aunt came out and helped me with the kids for a couple of weeks. It was such a blessing to have her here. I don't go to Alabama to visit my family. I've been one time in the past five years. It was really nice to see her. Now it seems that I will need to have the screws taken out of my foot. My podiatrist says he will give me 45 days to heal, and if there is no reduction in pain or swelling, then they're coming out. I'm not looking forward to this. I took the 45 days, but I know what's going to happen. Luckily it will be much easier on me than the first surgery. I only need to rest for two days and then wear my stupid surgery boot for an additional eight days. I am supposed to be able to take care of everything on my own, and not need any help as long as I wear the boot. Fun!!!...

Well, there's not a lot else going on. If you want to see all the crafts I have been working on then hop on over to thepickyeater2010.blogspot.com

Nice weather

The weather here in Idaho has been inconsistent, to say the least. We will get teased by a couple of nice days and then be cold and rainy for a week. So when we got up today to find it was nice outside, we rushed for the door. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

We took the kids to Tautphaus Park. It's really nice there. They have a zoo, multiple playgrounds, skateboard park, horseshoes, tennis... . We ultimately opted to find a nice shady patch of grass and just hang out. It was really great to just be outside and enjoy the sun for a while. I took a whole bunch of pictures, but it might be a little bit before I actually get them posted.

As for all of you guys basking in the daily summer heat and sunshine, know that you are envied.

La Di Da

Where does time go? Gosh, I really don't know. Life is still really busy for us, but I am feeling a lot more optimistic. Right now our biggest challenge is getting Daniel's eczema under control. He has had some pretty nasty outbreaks recently. I took him to the pediatrician yesterday and got some temporary medicine to hold us over until his dermatology appointment. The good news about Danny is that he has gained a little over three pounds in the past three months, Woohoo! That puts him at 34%. Quite a big change from the 14% I'm used to. Danny is such an amazing little boy. Every day I feel blessed to be allowed to be part of his life. No matter how blue I may get from time to time, just one of his smiles makes me feel like I'm floating on a cloud. I know that sounds cheesy. He is still practicing walking. He takes about two to three steps from time to time, (on his own terms, of course). He says a few different words, also on his own terms. He sleeps all night and plays all day. He is so happy and smiling constantly. Words just can't describe how much I love and adore that precious little boy!

Phillip has been doing much better recently, too. We had an incident a few weeks ago that forced us to really crack down on him. It has been a challenge keeping him on track as far as behavior goes, but he is definitely improving. We will find out in August whether or not he is going to be able to start preschool. I really hope so. He doesn't necessarily need it to learn any basics, since he is much farther advanced than his peers intellectually, but socially he would benefit. He has a very hard time with classroom related rules, like sharing, sitting still, waiting your turn, etcetera. So I'm really hoping he gets in this preschool. As far as his actual learning goes, I couldn't be more proud of him. We finished up his preschool concepts a long time ago, so we have moved on to kindergarten skills for now. He is reading, spelling, doing basic math, and learning more and more about nature. My only fear is that once he gets to school, there isn't going to be much for him to learn. The last thing I need is him acting up constantly out of boredom.

So, June is birthday month here. I had the "brilliant" idea of spacing our children exactly three years apart, (for developmental reasons, obviously). It totally slipped my mind that this would mean all of our children having their birthdays at the same time. I've had a tough time trying to figure out what to do. With Phil's unpredictable mood swings, and Danny's eczema, it's a challenge to find something suitable for them both. The best idea I have so far, (and also the cheapest) is to take them to the dollar tree and let them both pick out ten cheap toys each, then head to the arcade for a while. Top that with a trip to McDonald's for dinner and you've got two happy little boys. The whole thing would only cost me about $35 dollars and virtually stress free. I could always do a traditional party with tons of kids, and balloons, and cake, and ice cream... and the craziness never ends. But I'm lazy and I don't want to be stressed out this year.

It's been a pretty long time since I had an update of any substance. I feel bad for not posting, but it's just one more thing to keep up with right now. Do you ever have one of those days, weeks, months where you just feel inadequate? Like everything you do is sub-par. That's certainly how I have felt lately. I have no energy, my house is always messy, my kids aren't getting nearly enough attention, and I'm so worn out by the end of the day that all I want to do is eat and go to sleep.

It doesn't help that my oldest son has become almost unmanageable. I stay up really late every night with Mike, trying to savage whatever free time there is without the children, but when I wake up in the morning, it's always back to reality.

It's not fair of me to complain since Mike has it way harder than me at work, but here I am complaining anyway. On the bright side, my diet is on track and I plan on keeping it that way. No more looking like a beached whale when I put my swimsuit on!

My monkeys!

We have had a few beautiful days this month in Idaho, so I thought I'd share a few pictures of the boys playing outside. Having a winter that lasts six months is no fun for anybody, so needless to say the kids couldn't have been happier to be out in the back yard. Enjoy!